They are pressure washing outside of my apartment. It is taking every ounce of my being not to go out there and help!!!

Yesterday was a poopy day so I went to bed early. Now I'm wide awake and have plenty of time before The Remainders TourCo show up to pack my car. This is a mini-roadtrip--show in Vegas and Sedona tonight and tomorrow. My cd drive is making weird noises as I try to load José's music to my ipod. I had to buy a new one not even a year ago. zha has talked me into purchasing a MAC. It will be the third thing I buy in l.a.--assuming I am telecommuting. Marsha goes home Monday to pilot the program. Then I should be home in 4-6 weeks. Let's cross our fingers on that one. Ugh! The first two things I will buy in l.a. are: surfboard and wetsuit. Hello, I must have my priorities.

Man, this is sorta all over the place.

Cassy called last night and we talked for a while about her wedding. She is superduper stressed out. Weddings make no sense to me. It's one freakin' day, people! Back home, Chris married Dana (I think that's her name) on his lunch break at a justice of the peace. They had a reception later. Don't get me wrong, I love a good wedding. I appreciate a good wedding. But I just don't see the point of losing your mind over one.

Faith and I were going to work out this morning but my gym bag is in my car and I have too much to do before 10. I should probably wake her in case she wants to go by herself. (edit: I just went in there and she was all, I'm going to sleep. I set my alarm. but thanks. So now I kinda feel bad for waking her.)

I had some major OCD issues yesterday. Sometimes it's worse than others. I think I posted on myspace about that a while ago. Yesterday it was bad. I woke up and wanted to jot some dream stuff down. I've had similar dreams this week and wanted to remember the one I just woke up from. The other day I bought new pens and a crappy notebook. I decided instead of turning my computer on (my cd drive is now growling, btw) that I would write in my new notebook. But I couldn't find my pens. Because I haven't cleaned my room. A clean room makes me feel better as a human being. So right now, with papers everywhere and taxes that need to be done and clutter to be pitched, I sorta feel all caterwumpus. Anyway, I couldn't find my pens.

Faith: Well, we have plenty of pens. Why don't you use one of those?

My darling roommate, you understand nothing about this affliction. You see, I purchased these pens specifically for this notebook. And although there are other scrap pieces of paper around I could use, and dozens of pens, I now have it stuck in my mind that I need THESE PARTICULAR PENS for THIS PARTICULAR NOTEBOOK. After a good 30 minutes, during which I teetered on the edge of a panic attack, I finally found my pens. Then I forgot where I put the notebook in all of the frustration. Luckily, that was quickly uncovered. It would have been much faster to turn on my damn computer and type up what I wanted. But no. I had to find the pens or my world would fall apart. This made me late for work.

Sometimes I feel like a prisoner.

What the heck is going on? Why is it so cold? Hello...Arizona??? It's almost April, for cryin' out loud! It should be in the low 90s. What's this 67 degree crap? Pull it together, man!

**********

Ken likes to make fun of me because once, for no particular reason, I announced to the room that I was going to brush my teeth. Today as I was heading towards the bathroom, I waived my toothbrush and toothpaste at him. He stands up. "Hey, everyone, Ashley is going to brush her teeth now."

That made me smile. Which was much needed.

The following are excerpts from emails back and forth yesterday. It ends in a delightful Jack McBrayer Christmas written by one W H Binder. Please enjoy. I sure did!!:

José: My theory is that they're plants that McBrayer (who's angry that I've kept him away from PIF for two years in a row) has hired.
Plants for what?
I'm not sure...but evil is afoot - a very McBrayerful evil.

Me: your theory is dumb and you should feel dumb.
Everyone knows the delightful Jack McBrayer (who can be seen Thursday nights at 9 on 30 Rock on NBC (coming back from haitus 2 WHOLE WEEKS early!)) is quite the opposite of evil. In fact, just last week he was spotted generously donating his time at a soup kitchen.
so...there!

Michelle: jose's message made me thing that there should exist a tv special called "A Very McBrayer Christmas." Ashley, get on that!

Shane: When it comes to McBrayer, I'm pretty sure Ashley does not need to be told to "get on that."

Bill: While Old Man Hoppenfeffer must travel to Hawaii to visit his sister, he leaves Jack McBrayer in charge of the 42nd Street Miracle Orphanage.

When the plumber leaves a message on the answering machine that he won't be able to make it down on Christmas Eve, Jack thinks it is in fact Santa calling and realizes that Santa just has to make it down this year. NO MATTER WHAT!

Jack has to get to the North Pole to change Santa's mind. He calls all of his friends including Peter Falk, Tony Hawk and The Fraggles to raise enough money for an airplane ticket. Tony Hawk puts on a skateboarding competition. Peter Falk gets a job working at a greasy hamburger stand in New York. And the Fraggles all get jobs working backstage at a Broadway play.

Together they raise over $500.00 just in time for Jack to catch a flight to the North Pole. Jack rushes down to JFK to purchase a ticket and when he gets to the desk, the mean ticket lady laughs "There's no tickets to the North Pole." Of course you don't see her face, because the camera is on a sad, sad, sad Jack McBrayers.

Everybody in the terminal starts laughing except the nice old man with a big white beard behind Jack. "Don't be down Jack. You tried your best." The old man consoles Jack. "Let me give you a ride back to the Orphanage." After Jack lets out a huge sigh he says. "Oh boy. Nobody will want to see me back there. I've let everybody (punches at the air) down."

The old man takes Jack into his long red limo with a very short chauffeur as the head back to the orphanage.

But when they get there, there's a huge crowd of people waiting outside the front door. Everyone at the skateboard competition, everyone from the Broadway play (still in costume), several happy customers with burgers still in hand. Everyone was so moved by Jack's story that they came to adopt an orphan.

"What? You DID?" exclaims Jack about to pass out from all the excitement. "Well, OK. Come on inside everybody. Let's get some hot chocolate first!"

But when they get inside there's a beautiful tree, and under it a hundred presents for every boy and girl. The orphans all cheer with glee as they open bikes and footballs and dolls with bottles as their new parents hug them with warm cups of cocoa.

Jack is overcome with happiness, but there's no present under the tree for him... Or is there? Almost hidden under the wrapping paper is a small envelope with the word "Jack" on it.

Jack opens the envelope and all that's inside is a small weathered piece of paper that smells like candy canes. All it says is



THANKS
-a friend

Jack's mouth is wide open from disbelieve, he looks up just in time to see the old man from the airport. He winks at Jack and disappears into the crowd.

Another miracle at the orphanage! Everyone sings Joy to the World, but no one louder than ole' Jack. He makes little fists with his hands and sings with all his might. He did it. He saved Christmas for everyone

"..and nature sing!"

Freeze Frame on Jack's singing face.

Fin

Ha!

It's not that I don't like being wrong. If I'm wrong, I will concede. Fine. But if I'm right and someone tries to say I'm wrong, this is when I take issue. Yesterday I went in for my training session at 4:30. I like to get there a bit early to change and do a 10 minute warm up. Mike is behind the counter.
"What time is your session today?"
"Uh, I hope 4:30."
"I hope so, too."
He looks me up and has me scheduled for 4. But I was positive it was 4:30. We schedule next week's appointments. Then I bring up Thursday.
"You have me for 5:30 then, right?"
"No, I have you for 4."
But I knew I had to work extra this week to make up for taking Friday off for The Remainders Vegas/Sedona trip, so I would never have agreed to 4. We reschedule. Not too much of a big deal. But when I get home, I find the card he wrote my appointments on. He wrote my appointments on.
Tues 27 4:30
Thurs 29 5:30

So there.

I love José with all of my heart and soul!!!

Topic from today's email:

Math & Buffy collide!

Holy crap!!! Two of my alltimefavorite things!

*explodes into pastel confetti*

My ankle is being all weird. I was walking into work over our cobblestone-like entrance in platform sandles, and I stepped on the edge of one of the stones and sorta twisted my ankle. It more rolled than twisted. No pain, though. I caught myself before any real damage was done (as I am used to tripping on a regular basis). But then on my way out to Gwen's desk, my ankle rolled twice. It just sorta gave out. I don't know why.

Lori sits across from me and occasionally she sings along with whatever's in her headphones. Lucky for her, it's more endearing than annoying.

I think I'm going to stop paying my credit card off in full every month and start saving that money.

Tosha will be glad to know that I am considering a second go a the whole colon cleansing process. Hopefully it will not end in horrible trauma.

All Hail Epsom Salt!!

I do not get it. It's just salt, right? No...it is magic. I don't want to know how it works--I don't care. All I know is that before I got in the tub, I was regretting the day I was born. The instant...no, the INSTANT I got in the water the pain went away. Not completely, mind you. But I'd say a whopping 80%. I spent the entire time in the tub marveling at the wonders that is The Salt. This is the happiest discovery since my burn incident and aloe.

Epsom Salt, how do I love thee...

*le sigh*

Captain Complainy strikes again!!

I am so sore today. From top to bottom. Last week I had three sessions with Mike. And each session we worked a group of muscles that hasn't been touched since basically December. And my left pointer finger hurts. I think from typing. Which sucks because that's what I'm going to have to do ALL DAY tomorrow. And I'm starting to stress about LA. I looked at the calendar and realized how quickly everything is coming and I won't have my job figured out until the week before I go out there. The 13th concludes PIF. I'm going to be super busy until then and won't have a chance to go to LA to look for places. Which is fine. I trust Faith in that department, and she's going out April 13th for an audition and to look at a couple of places. Plus, WCS: we can stay on zha's floor until we get figured out. The 22nd is probably when we're going to head out there b/c the next weekend is memorial Day and traffic will be even more hellacious than usual.

At this point, I am seriously considering taking May off to pack and move and everything. I hate dipping into savings, but that's what it's there for, right? ARRRGH!!! *pulls out hair*

I need more time. This has always been my problem. This is what's going on my headstone.

Faith and I are going here sometime before the end of May. I can't wait!!!

edit: Faith just realized they are actual human bodies that have been plasticized. She is now rethinking our outing.

"Well, I'm glad I know about it now instead of when we got there. Because I probably would have freaked out and stayed in the car."

"Faith, have you seen my Steve Maddens?"
(I call them that because they are the only pair of designer shoes I own (don't worry--I didn't pay for them))
"No."
I find them and put them on. Hmm...should I change shirts? The shoes are blue, but I'm wearing my green stripey shirt. Oh well, I do not care. No one looks at my feet anyway.

I go in to brush my teeth. WHAT!??! There are three small slices on the right side of the shirt. How the heck does that even happen?!

I go into her room with my blue stripey shirt (that I will eventually change into).

"Well, I guess I have to change anyway. Should I pitch this or would you use the fabric for your sewing stuff?"

"Oh, I would use that!"

"But I kinda want to rip it. There's nothing more satisfying than the sound of tearing cloth. And since it's green, I can feel very hulk-i-fied."

So I tear my shirt at the slivers. Yep, very satisfying, indeed.

"Um, ok, so I'll unbotton the rest and stop ruining your fabric."

"Thanks."

And thus begins my morning. I am an hour fifteen late for work, no breakfast in me, crampy, and now one of my favorite shirts is destroyed.

Have a better day than me. I double dog dare you!

This is the second morning I haven't worn my retainers and I've woken up with jaw pain. When did I start grinding my teeth? Must wear retainers every night.

Note to self: Do not turn off alarm unless sitting up. You cannot sleep "just 5 more minutes" on your own. You will sleep an hour longer than intended.

Dreams last night:

I was on a bus with Renée. She had long hair and looked really young. We were trying to have a conversation (sitting in the seat behind the driver), but these two kids kept trying to sit in our seat. We moved a few seats back and she held my hand and started to pray. I tried really hard to hear her, but she's soft spoken and kids were really loud. I got angry at everyone on the bus because this was important. But I didn't say anything since it was happening so fast and I didn't want to interrupt her prayer. It sounded like she was blessing a meal. The bus pulls in front of a college. I get out with her, even though I'm not enrolled. She stands in this long line waiting for class to begin. I stand with her. We smile. Then I realize she's standing next to Brian Cade (a friend from WSU). WHAT!??! We hug. I'm so happy to see him. Then Jaime Miller (a friend from HS) is there. Then Nathan Webber (HS). I hug him and he picks me up off the ground. I am so happy to see all of my old friends. I look at Renée, apologetically. This was supposed to be a day for the two of us. But I haven't seen some of these people in almost 10 years. She understands. We didn't even talk, she just knew. So I went around to see who else I could find.

There was a group of girls sitting down, all from high school. Melissa Hale, Chris Fischer (I forget if her name has a "C" or not), three others I can't remember. We're catching up. Everyone has beautiful wedding rings. I do not. I don't want to be married and settled like they are, but I don't want them to notice because then I would have to explain....It just gets to be a pain in the ass when you're almost 30 and not married. People can be pushy. Anyway, Melissa says to Chris, "Yeah, don't you remember, that's how we paid for our trip to Europe. On her credit cards." Then I remembered during float building senior year, Melissa stole Angie Habor's cards and maxed them out on this huge trip to Europe. (P.S. Angie Habor is someone I went to Northmoore with, if I'm remembering correctly. I haven't seen her since the 2nd grade) This makes me mad, and I have an inner fight. Do I say something? Do I keep my mouth shut? Eff it. That was a horrible thing to do, so I tell her that. It's awkwardly silent. Then Kristen Keebaugh comes over.

Kristen Keebaugh. My best friend from 6-12 grade. Our freshman year of college we broke up over email b/c of a boy. He treated her like crap and I told her about the stuff going on behind her back. She got mad and we pretty much haven't spoken in 10 years. I remember hearing at our 5 year reunion that she has a kid and is single and is putting herself through law school. (all of that is actual background, not dream)

She walks over to me and we hug. Hard. I get these big tears in my eyes. "I just want you to know how proud I am of you. To have a kid and put yourself through law school. Since the 6th grade you've always wanted to be a judge and I've always wanted to be an actress. We are the only two people who are living our childhood dreams." She looks at me and smiles.

Now I'm on a soccer field. Playing. Some jerk on the other team is covertly shoulder-butting my teammates and severely injuring them. I go up to him and put my arms out. We're perpendicular to each other and I have one arm on his back and one on his front. Just straight out. And I'm squeezing hard. "Leave my teammates alone." The ref comes up. "One of my guys injuring your teammates? I don't believe it." I realize the ref is crooked. "How did you know I was even accusing him of something? I'm just giving him a hug." I hug him. He immediately stops injuring my team. I turn to an opposing member. "See?" I say to the ref, and hug that kid. He melts. Two others come up. "I want a hug." So I start hugging the other team and they stop playing the game, leaving my team free to win. Laura Anderson (HS) comes up behind me. "What are you doing?" Kat Zeller (HS) says, "You have something on your nose." I rub off a green ink mark. I whisper in Laura's ear, "I'm going to f*ck them up psychologically."

The End.

I am two broken threads away from losing the button on my pants. I predict by lunch they will snap.

This should be interesting.

I am going to pass out. I always take the stairs in the morning, but today I ran into Rob. We happened to be coming in at the same time. Well, since I'm Little Miss Competitive, I had to keep up...with a guy taking the 72 steps two atta time. Needless to say, I am in severe need of oxygen.

Oh, and I'm back to liking Mike again. I was starting to see some Dominic similarities. Not to the extent that he ogles women unabashedly, but he just doesn't pay attention. The other day he literally picked up a newspaper while I was doing lunges. Now, I realize that this is not the most exciting thing in the world, but you could at least try to feign interest. Also, I'm paying you, so focus man! Anyway, last night he didn't have a client in the half hour after me, so we went over. I'm still not quite over my cough, and since I did some serious ab work last night, I'm definitely feeling it. Hooray for that.

Faith is going food crazy. Fruits and veggies and she's going to eat for her blood type (what the heck is that about?!) and giving up red meat. Whatever floats your boat.

Kids crack me up. Steph Bishop let me know that her son, Kallan, remembered the time we were in the parking lot and he accidentally dropped a Cheeto. He was sad that he couldn't eat it, so I made a game. I stomped it. He ended up dropping the entire bag - one by one--on purpose-- - and we jumped the crap out of those suckers. That was a good 7 or 8 years ago. He was probably 3 or 4 at the time. And Steph said he brought that up the other day. I wonder if 8 years down the line, Asha will still do her monster roar and I will have to be scared to death. Because although it's been a year, she still does it. That's probably how she'll remember me for the rest of her life. It's interesting what sticks with you.

I was supposed to meet my parents for dinner last night. They've been in town since Thursday, and I don't get to see them much. I couldn't take any time off work b/c I spent most of last week sick. I have a new phone and was trying to figure out how to program it myself, couldn't, so I thought I'd drop in the Verizon store on my way to meet them for dinner.

I ended up staying at work 15 minutes longer than expected. I just should have skipped the store, but I didn't. I mean, all I wanted to do was ask a simple question: how can I do this myself? I enter the store and am greeted by a man who has no answers but puts my name in the queue. Two people are ahead of me. I decide to wait 5 minutes. But what if the people ahead of me have simple things and are done? So I wait 5 more. And 5 more. At this point, there is no way I can make dinner on time. They picked a place halfway between me and N&B, which means they've already left the house. After another 5, I sort of rudely interrupt a sales person. He was helping someone, then went behind the counter to program the phone. I stepped up and just asked my question. He informed me that instructions would have come with the phone in the box. So I didn't need to be in the store. That's all I needed. That's a simple answer. No reason to wait 20 minutes for that.

I call my folks hoping they are stuck in traffic. No such luck. In fact, they are early. And there's no wait. So by the time I would have made it, they would be done. They picked that restaurant so I wouldn't have to drive all the way out to NW Peoria during rush hour. I am fuming mad. At myself. I never get to see them and the next time will probably be Saturday night for dinner before they leave. And there are some things I really want to talk to them about. But it's hard. It's not really a phone conversation item. I want to talk about my trip to NC. I want to talk to my mom about Nana. But when you see your folks twice a year, you don't exactly want to bring up stuff that might end in a fight. You want to enjoy the time you have together.

I hate having words unspoken. I'm just going to have to suck it up. Hopefully we can meet Thursday night. This is something I wanted to talk to them about when they were out here in December. And I still haven't. Plus, it's hard with N&B around. I don't want them to get stuck in the middle of my family stuff. Even though they're family, too. Argh!! This sucks.

Wish me luck.

********************

In related news, my new phone works like a charm.

Have you ever initiated a scene and thought to yourself, "Self, that was a crappy initiation"? But now it's out there and now you're stuck. And you continue with the scene, but all you can think about is how many other choices were out there for the initiation.

Well, apply that same logic to my choice of shoes today. Saturday I bought a new pair of keds. The kind you don't need to wear socks with. Sunday when I went house hunting with my parents, I decided to break in the new shoes. Three hours of walking later, and I had me some fun blisters. Well, today I decided to try the shoes again, except this time with socks. As I was walking to my car, I could feel the rubbing beginning already. And I almost turned around to either 1) get another pair of shoes altogether, or 2) grab some band-aids. I opted to keep walking. Besides, I sit most of the day, anyhow. But with each step to my car, all I could think about was the 10 other pair of shoes I own that do not rub my ankles. Well, I initiated the day with this pair of shoes. I may as well support the scene.

Ow.

I like that we played "new choice" on the phone the other day.

I like that I got an armando last night.

I like that he's an improviser.

I like him.

Go watch this. It's the most fun I've had thus far. It's ridiculous and not nearly as good online as it was at the actual show. But it was fun all the same. Also, the first time my parents have heard me curse. :-)

Everything was fine until about 30 minutes ago. I was actually processing claims 30 minutes ago. For the first time EVAR. Now I'm four steps away from going postal. Two escalated issues were handed to me; Steve never got the spreadsheet he was supposed to get last week b/c the girl now in charge has been sick; I can't pay this tooth injury b/c the policy isn't set up right; three people just called my name to fix stuff...the list goes on. I have 8 minutes. Then it's off to the gym.

Holy guacamole. I'm beat down.

Have you done your taxes? Because I sure haven't!

If you don't count today (because today is over in one hour), then there are 25 days until he lands. And he's staying for almost a whole week! I'm trying not to plan every single second, but I pretty much already have. There will be a fun pool party/cookout that everyone is invited to, the wedding in Sedona (of course), a Remainders show in Casa Grande, horseback riding (woohoo!) a trip to the art museum, and dinner w/ Nancy & Bob. Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a planner. I mean, there is no reason--especially this far out--to have this much planned. Obviously the wedding and the Remainders show are already taken care of. I guess it's just that there are things I want to do that I haven't taken the time to do yet (h/b riding, art museum) and this is a good excuse to do said things. The pool party is mainly for the fact that I haven't seen my friends on the regular basis that I used to, and we had muchos fun the last time out. Well, I did at least. Gay volleyball, anyone? And the Joe Schmo mini-marathon?

Anyway, I'm excited. Is it Dangerville yet?

The Prestige is a better movie than The Illusionist. If you *have* to watch them both, watch The Illusionist first, then The Prestige. Because if you do it the other way around, you will hate yourself. Even though The Illusionist has Edward Norton, who just might be my alltimefavorite actor, The Prestige kicks it's ass. If there was a cage match, The Illusionist would last about 27 seconds. If someone disagrees with me, feel free to let me know and then I will tell you why you are wrong.

Next Saturday Tammy and I are going shopping for her wedding dress. She's bringing Michayla, her soon-to-be stepdaughter, who is 7.

"She reminds me of you cause she keeps asking me how many more days til she can eat cake....."

My love of food will be the legacy I leave behind.

"My first kiss was in high school."

"Mine was in the 4th grade. It was during spin the bottle. There were 3 boys that night. But no tongue. That was in 6th grade with Tony Rimas. We had very different childhoods."

"My tongue tingled. Because all I'd ever done with it was brush my teeth or eat food. And I actually really felt guilty. And I told him as we were kissing, 'this is really slobbery' and he just laughed and kept on kissing me. So I did feel guilty."

"Wait, why?"

"I'm gonna get to that. I felt guilty because growing up weren't allowed to date until we were 16--all these rules and stipulations. So I told my parents as we were on our way over to our pastor's house (I was babysitting) I remember being in the backseat of the car. I was hunched over and totally dejected. My sister was sitting next to me. I remember the corner we were turning on. We were turning right. I said, 'I have something I have to tell you guys. I kissed a boy. And I feel really bad about it and I never want to do it again.' And my dad just laughed and said, 'Oh, Faith, you probably will.' And that was the end of the conversation. I totally thought they were going to yell at me and I was gonna get in trouble. And all my parents did was laugh and tell me I was gonna kiss more boys."

And she has.

I have felt really great about the past few days at work. The heads of my company, our Carrier, and the company we took over are in town. I have been invited to meetings with them all b/c of my role in this take over. Yesterday I impressed the hell out of the COO of my company--to the point where she almost hugged me. This made my boss look good. Everyone was happy.

Then, today was the Big Meeting with Everyone. I was asked to talk about a few issues. I also raised some points throughout and answered some questions. After the meeting, my supervisor came running after me in the hall.

"Mike G was passing notes to me while you were speaking. He asked what your name was. Then he said you were incredibly smart. You present yourself very well in public."

Now, I don't think I can express how much that meant to me. It's hard being a girl and being taken seriously. I have been dismissed by strangers my whole life. Add the fact that I'm decently cute and have a big rack, and people just make all these assumptions. It's been a struggle my whole life, and not a good one. So, to finally be in a position where I'm being recognized for my efforts...well, it just feels damn good.

Thank you, god, for Katheryn Zeller. Why? Because although my alarm went off this morning, I snoozed through it so it shut off. An hour and a half later, she texts me to see what we're doing for lunch. HOLY F! I HAVE TO GET TO WORK!

Had weird dreams b/c I'm still sick & b/c when I get too hot I have weird dreams (we haven't turned the ac on b/c I'm cheap). I forget them, but they weren't good. I remember being happy to be awakened sharply from them.

I have decided to stop worrying. This not telecommuting thing has been stressing me out. These 10.5 hour work days have been stressing me out. This not doing improv has been stressing me out. This my best friend is in another state and making commercials is stressing me out. This not being in the ocean is stressing me out.

I only have 2 more months to go. Tonight I will clean my room and listen to music and go to bed early. Tomorrow I will work out with Mike. Thursday I will eat dinner with my family. Saturday I will do a Neutrino show. Sunday I will go to Brandey's wedding. Friday I will perform in Las Vegas with The Remainders. Someday soon I will do my taxes.

I am not going to think about remote work. It will figure itself out. I will be picky about finding a job in l.a. I have fantastic references and am an awesome employee. Any place will be happy to have me. I have a savings account. I have a friend who will let me live with him for free as long as I need. I will continue to exercise and eat better and lose that 10% body fat. I will vacuum my floor. I will spend a lot of money going to Texas. I will be happy doing so.

I wonder if we will film the last scene before I move out there. I wonder if it will be weird. That Wednesday he called and we talked for an hour. About everything but the letter. I wonder if we ever will.

I spent over an hour at the gym yesterday and had a pretty intense work out. When I came home, my chicken wasn't done in the crock pot, so I had ice cream for dinner. This morning I realized I was out of egg beaters, so I had a slice of pizza for breakfast.

This is why I exercise.

To quote Michael Cosand,

"I wouldn't say you babble, I would call it a refreshing emphasis on detail, if anything."

They just quoted Princess Bride in Heroes. I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Once upon a time there was a very sick girl. She took a hot hot bath and went to bed. Then she got better. The End.



When I get back to from the grocery store where I am buying numbing throat spray and ice cream, I will live that fairy tale.

I left work early yesterday b/c I was feeling pretty crummy. Took a nap, watched tv, went to bed early. Didn't sleep very well. You know the kind--that restless, head cold sleep? Wanted to get to work @ 6 this morning. Probably won't be there til 9. Remainders show in Casa Grande tonight. Probably won't be performing, but I'm at least going down there. I've felt so disconnected from everything lately. Took some tylenol cold and am sucking down lozenges, so hopefully that will help. Not with the disconnection, but with the coughing. Getting ready to take a really hot shower with the exhaust fan off. Hoping the steam will help my throat. Here are parts of dreams from last night:

Driving down Yorkshire on my way to Kat's house. A boy (sometimes he was a kid, sometimes he was older) was with me and I was taking him on a tour of the neighborhood where I grew up. Kat called and I looked at my phone. It said, "Kat Prague". At first I didn't know who that was, even though I clearly was the person to type that into my phone. As soon as she spoke, I knew it was Kat Zeller. Why did I put Prague in there? Oh, yeah, to distinguish her from the other Kat's in my address book who had never lived there. (There were no other Kats in my address book and she never lived in Prague).

Then I'm in an old 4 story dorm room. It's familiar, like I've had a dream in this setting before. I'm with another person--nameless, ageless, faceless, sexless--and we have to save the building from exploding without anyone knowing what we're doing. There are thermostats on every floor on these big cement pillars. On one side of the pillar is a fire extinguisher. We have to spray the fire extinguisher into a hole in the thermostat. That will stop the explosion. We do the first one together to see how it's done. Then we split up. I take the 4th floor, my partner takes floors 2 and 3. The stairs to the top are huge, and I'm exhausted when I get there. I run across to the pillar and people start asking what I'm doing. But I can't tell them b/c we don't want anyone to panic. They watch. I use my keys to open cap on the fire extinguisher. I spray into the wrong hole. There is a fan that blows the cold air of the F.E. on my face. It burns badly enough to crack my skin. I spray into the right hole. The lights in the room change. Everyone is saved. Sarah Beuhler is there. She takes me to her dorm room, which she hates. There are 4 beds and it echoes really loudly. She's upset b/c the room is so tiny. I tell her the room is much bigger than my dorm room @ OU. But I can barely focus b/c the echo was almost unbearable.

Then I'm walking in a forest by myself. It had been raining. There was a couple coming towards me. They had long sticks and were poking the trees looking for bee hives. I walk by them, and realize they were poking the bottom part of the tree and not looking up--where the hives were. I wanted to tell them I had just passed the motherload, but they had a weird feeling to them. Like they were going to use the bee's wax for evil. So I continue walking. I'm looking down at the mud and puddles of water and grass. Then a rope drags across my right shoulder. It's dangling from a tree. I am terrified. What if that's the bottom of a rope someone used to hang themselves? What if I turn around and there's a dead man in the trees above. I'm so scared, but I have to look. I'm all alone in the woods and I need to make sure there are no dead bodies. Slowly I turn around. The tree is empty. I'm so relieved I almost throw up.

Today is a Dave Matthews Band kinda day.

"Come and relax now. Put your troubles down. No need to bear the weight of your worries, here, let them all fall away."

More McBrayer!!!

(thank you, josé. I know it physically pains you to pass these things along.)

Holy crap, just when I thought Tamera couldn't get any funnier:

She sees my Brown Belt Sudoku book on my desk.

"Is that like tae kwon do or something?"
"Are you kidding me?"
"No, why?"
"This is a numbers puzzle book, Tamera. It has nothing to do with the martial arts."

Now I am picturing fighting people with my sudoku puzzles. It involves tearing the pages out of the book, folding them into oragami fighting stars, and decapitating them. Crack me up!

Kat is getting a special treat tonight. Instead of the usual 10 minutes it takes me to get ready in the morning, I took the extra time to do my hair. Plus we're going to my favorite restaurant! Happy times.


I can't resist free things, so I have a new cell phone. I get a new one every 2 years for being a Verizon customer. It's the mint chocolate phone. Once I figure it out, I will love it!


Today I tightened my belt a notch. Huzzah! (that's for hagrid)


Tomorrow is Sarah's last day. I will miss her buckets full.


When the hell did it get to be March already??

David used to tease me about having the power of prophesy. Which is cool, until you get yourself sick.

My throat kills. Boo.

I was emailing my boy this morning when it hit me how much my relationship with Paul kinda damaged me. Most of my insecurities are because of that guy.

The first year was pretty great. I remember calling Tosha in the middle of the night so she would talk me out of breaking up with him. I knew I would be moving west and I didn't think he would come and I was really in love with him. So, convinced that it would never work, I figured I should end it before the hurt was too much. She would tell me I was an idiot, and in the end, he left OH for me. He left his family and job and friends to move to AZ. He left everything so I could pursue my dream.

When we first got out here, it was pretty good. For about a month. Then I started realizing how different the two of us were. He would come home from work and get high and play video games. He had so much potential, but he was satisfied with where he was in life. I mean, the guy seriously could be a professional golfer if he applied himself. I needed someone with more drive. More ambition. And, of course, there was Jill. She was cute and bubbly and he worked with her and they had much more in common. I'm not a bar person, and they would go out to bars together. And play pool. And play golf. He assured me that nothing was going on, but I always felt like I was in constant competition with her. He wouldn't stop seeing her. I mean, I didn't ask him to, but he knew how insecure I felt. If you really care about a person you are in a relationship with, you do what you can to comfort them. Also, it was very clear she was interested in him. After we broke up, they actually ended up dating for a while.

The last year we were together was bad. I had put on some weight. Not a ton. Maybe 15 lbs. That affected our physical relationship. Which, I now see, has managed to destroy a lot of my self confidence. If the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with isn't attracted to me, how could anyone else possibly be? That was a huge issue with us. I am a very physical person and he was constantly pushing me away. So I gave up. We started keeping opposite hours. I would go to work early and have rehearsals in the evening. He would stay up late playing poker online and sleep in. I felt like I was being avoided in my own house. We barely spoke. And he would sleep in our bed head to toe. I'm not kidding. I would wake up with his feet next to my face.

And then there was the discovery of improv. Something I loved and was good at. Something that has become a central focus in my life. And it was like pulling teeth to get him to come to shows. I didn't need him to *like* the shows. I needed him to support what I was doing. To at least attempt to understand this thing that I wanted to do more than anything else. The improv community is like no other. The people are so open and loving and accepting. The heart of improv is to support--to yes and. I was not getting any of that from him. I was getting it from the friends I was making. That was the first real eye-opener. I remember going out with the Jester'Z and Specht kept asking me when I was going to break up with Paul. At first it was a joke, but then they weren't kidding anymore. It was the last day of PIF, 2005 that I made the decision.

So, in this email today from New Guy, he compliments me. And I immediately I'm all, you gotta be kidding. I got really negative and really down on myself quickly. Then I realized what I was doing. And I wondered why. And then all these memories came back.

This is stuff I'm going to have to deal with and push through, but it was an interesting realization to have.

Who thought working out at 5 in the morning could be so much fun? Faith and I discovered a coupla new characters: Articulate gangstas and speed-walking old Catholic divorcées.

I do not care how long I have to work or how tired I am; today will be a great day!

Katheryn Zeller

My memories of Kat:

In the 8th grade, Kat, Kristen Keebaugh, and I were bussed to the h.s. with a few other kids to take a math class that wasn't offered in the middle school. (yeah, i know, giant nerd. what of it?!) I had been in love with Marcus Duff since I saw his argyle socks during a band concert in the 5th grade. He was a year ahead of me. We had to sit through home room at Butler, then we could roam the halls for 5 minutes. It didn't take us very long to find Marcus's home room (upstairs) and follow him to his first class (downstairs). We then mapped out a course that would take us up the stairs as he was going down the stairs. That is when Stop-n-Shove was created. Kristen would go up the stairs first, then me, then Kat. Just as Marcus was walking by us (in this oh-so-narrow stairwell), Kristen would abruptly stop walking and Kat would shove me into him. It was a little slice of heaven.

Then, the next year I introduced them at band camp (Marcus and I had become actual friends) and she started dating him.

I got over it.

Eventually.

__________________

The winter of my 8th grade year, Kristen had Kat and I over to spend the night. We decided to t.p. William Willett's house. He lived around the corner. There was about a foot of snow on the ground. We decided to t.p. his house without pants on. Kat was on track and Kristen played soccer. I only run when my life is in danger*. Being the klutz that I am, I managed to fall completely on my face as we were running. Into the snow. So deep that when Kristen & Kat turned around, they didn't see me. We make it to William's house and manage to t.p. the trunk of the one tree in his yard. It was pretty pathetic.

Going back to Kristen's house was another ordeal. It was about two in the morning, and a car was coming down the street. We hid by the nearest house. Kristen and I were on the side of the garage, Kat was on the front porch. Wouldn't you know it...the car pulls into that house! And then starts unloading groceries!! I mean, what are the odds here? Kat didn't realize what exactly had happened, so she comes trotting around the front. Wearing no pants. She sees the light and hears the voices and dives back down.

Eventually, we make it home, but about wet ourselves from laughter. It is at this point that we break out the ice cream. My favorite--cookies'n'cream! The three of us dig in to the gallon. Kat and Kristen manage to get all the good cookies. I'm totally getting shafted and complaining heartily. Then I get up to go to the bathroom. When I come back, I dig out the biggest cookie we'd seen all night! I was all, "Take that, bitches!" They start giggling uncontrollably. Why? Because they had found that piece when I was in the bathroom, both put it in their mouths, then reburied it in the ice cream. Now, for those of you who don't know me, I HATE spit. Beyond words I hate spit. There is no way to explain my complete and utter loathing of spit. If you do know me, you know what I'm talking about. Well, I was just so excited to finally get a cookie, that I ate it anyway.

That was a fun night.

_______________

Why reminisce about Katheryn Zeller? Because I haven't seen her since high school and she is in town and we will hang out Thursday night!!








*my life has never been in danger. deduce what you will.

I didn't think it was physically possible to be more in love with Jack McBrayer than I already am....until I saw the 30 Rock from two weeks ago. The opening bit when he harmonizes with Tracy Morgan...my heart melted.

Leapin' Lizards!!

I think I'm about to do the craziest thing I've done in my life.

Wow.

Not only are my obsessions well documented, but they are supported by my friends. This week Hagrid and José both sent me links to a Buffy contest (in 200 words or less, how has Buffy changed your life), and José and Justin sent me emails about a McBrayer article while Greg called me personally to tell me.

You guys are all ENABLERS!!

(also, thanks)

*************

Today I got Cassy's wedding invitation that I helped assemble. Last week I sent back Brandey's RSVP. So far I've got one in March, one in April, two in July, one in October. Anybody else wanna get married??? I'm going to have to take out a loan for all these dang gifts and plane tickets.

I woke up before 5 am to get some cardio in before work. Then I remembered that I still haven't typed up the PIF notes. Not only from last week's meeting, but from the week before, as well. I suck as the Secretary.

So, instead of working out, I decided to type up the PIF notes. Then I got online and caught up with my friends' blogs. Now it is an hour later and I haven't done squat for PIF. So, I will spend the next 10 minutes transcribing. Not that that will help much.

In other news, I like a boy and he likes me back. Life is good.

In other other news, the Piano Incident from GMIF (my trip to Tucson last weekend) is on youtube. Probably the easiest way to get there is go to the Galapagos myspace page (I also put them in the #1 spot on my myspace page for easy access) and read the blog. The best part about it is I was sitting house left, so I could see the whole thing. José trying to move it, the teetering where we weren't sure if it would actually fall, then the giant bang of all the keys coming undone. It was glorious. And you can distinctly hear Chris Trew cracking up on the video.