Friday, March 23, 2007

This is the second morning I haven't worn my retainers and I've woken up with jaw pain. When did I start grinding my teeth? Must wear retainers every night.

Note to self: Do not turn off alarm unless sitting up. You cannot sleep "just 5 more minutes" on your own. You will sleep an hour longer than intended.

Dreams last night:

I was on a bus with Renée. She had long hair and looked really young. We were trying to have a conversation (sitting in the seat behind the driver), but these two kids kept trying to sit in our seat. We moved a few seats back and she held my hand and started to pray. I tried really hard to hear her, but she's soft spoken and kids were really loud. I got angry at everyone on the bus because this was important. But I didn't say anything since it was happening so fast and I didn't want to interrupt her prayer. It sounded like she was blessing a meal. The bus pulls in front of a college. I get out with her, even though I'm not enrolled. She stands in this long line waiting for class to begin. I stand with her. We smile. Then I realize she's standing next to Brian Cade (a friend from WSU). WHAT!??! We hug. I'm so happy to see him. Then Jaime Miller (a friend from HS) is there. Then Nathan Webber (HS). I hug him and he picks me up off the ground. I am so happy to see all of my old friends. I look at Renée, apologetically. This was supposed to be a day for the two of us. But I haven't seen some of these people in almost 10 years. She understands. We didn't even talk, she just knew. So I went around to see who else I could find.

There was a group of girls sitting down, all from high school. Melissa Hale, Chris Fischer (I forget if her name has a "C" or not), three others I can't remember. We're catching up. Everyone has beautiful wedding rings. I do not. I don't want to be married and settled like they are, but I don't want them to notice because then I would have to explain....It just gets to be a pain in the ass when you're almost 30 and not married. People can be pushy. Anyway, Melissa says to Chris, "Yeah, don't you remember, that's how we paid for our trip to Europe. On her credit cards." Then I remembered during float building senior year, Melissa stole Angie Habor's cards and maxed them out on this huge trip to Europe. (P.S. Angie Habor is someone I went to Northmoore with, if I'm remembering correctly. I haven't seen her since the 2nd grade) This makes me mad, and I have an inner fight. Do I say something? Do I keep my mouth shut? Eff it. That was a horrible thing to do, so I tell her that. It's awkwardly silent. Then Kristen Keebaugh comes over.

Kristen Keebaugh. My best friend from 6-12 grade. Our freshman year of college we broke up over email b/c of a boy. He treated her like crap and I told her about the stuff going on behind her back. She got mad and we pretty much haven't spoken in 10 years. I remember hearing at our 5 year reunion that she has a kid and is single and is putting herself through law school. (all of that is actual background, not dream)

She walks over to me and we hug. Hard. I get these big tears in my eyes. "I just want you to know how proud I am of you. To have a kid and put yourself through law school. Since the 6th grade you've always wanted to be a judge and I've always wanted to be an actress. We are the only two people who are living our childhood dreams." She looks at me and smiles.

Now I'm on a soccer field. Playing. Some jerk on the other team is covertly shoulder-butting my teammates and severely injuring them. I go up to him and put my arms out. We're perpendicular to each other and I have one arm on his back and one on his front. Just straight out. And I'm squeezing hard. "Leave my teammates alone." The ref comes up. "One of my guys injuring your teammates? I don't believe it." I realize the ref is crooked. "How did you know I was even accusing him of something? I'm just giving him a hug." I hug him. He immediately stops injuring my team. I turn to an opposing member. "See?" I say to the ref, and hug that kid. He melts. Two others come up. "I want a hug." So I start hugging the other team and they stop playing the game, leaving my team free to win. Laura Anderson (HS) comes up behind me. "What are you doing?" Kat Zeller (HS) says, "You have something on your nose." I rub off a green ink mark. I whisper in Laura's ear, "I'm going to f*ck them up psychologically."

The End.


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