Wednesday, June 29, 2005

(like chandler bing) Could I be any more proud?!?

So Confessions not only won the audience choice in Group A, but we also won three additional awards:
Best Directing (3 way tie)
Best Acting
Best Editing

Yippee (jumping up and down)

Also, from that, I was noticed. Someone contacted Jeff to get my info. It's an audition for a horror film. We're trying to work out a time, but I have a JesterZ show tomorrow and probably can't go. But I was noticed! This is exciting.

Now in life,
There's gonna be times when you're feelin' low
And in your mind
Insecurities seem to take control
We start to look outside ourselves
For acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that the one thing we should know is:
Don't be scared to fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door
It's in your hands; the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know
All the answers, they will unfold
What are you waiting for?
Spread your wings and soar.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Hey, y'all, I just added some new pics. Check 'em out.

This is one of my favorites.

Confessions of a White Collar Cop (the little diddy I was a part of for the 48 hr film project) is up on the web. Check it out!

Friday, June 24, 2005

I got a much needed ego-boost yesterday on my way into Best Buy. Two hot guys were walking to their car and stopped me to say hello. I've been much more comfortable in my skin lately b/c of the exercising and reshaping that's been going on. I think I'm giving off a different vibe now.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

My dress is static-y and sticking to my butt. I feel gross.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Last night we went to the showing of the 48 hr film project. It was broken up into two sessions; 9 in the first, 8 in the second. We were the last film to go in the first group. And guess what? We won audience pick! How cool is that!?! I am so proud to have been a part of the project. I met some extremely cool and talented people and *really* hope to work with everyone again. Ugh, I can't even express how humbled I am by the whole experience. Last night was surreal.

Monday, June 20, 2005

This was a great weekend. Participated in a 48 hour film project, hung with friends, watched and LOVED Lost in Translation. There are hardly any words in the scenes. It's mainly just emotions, which so relates to improv. I would love to watch it againandagainandagain. Plus it's just beautiful.

Enough gush.

Orlando and Kate are back together. Sigh.

Had a great show on Thursday. Good scenes, good characters. I wasn't thrilled with the beginning, but it ended well. There were some people in the audience I was talking to before the show started, and after a particularly funny thing I did, I heard one of the girls say, "I love her!" That made me feel good. Also, Heather, I totally did a shout out to you, except you're on the other side of the country and so are not privy to it. Maybe I'll try to get a hold of the tape and send it to you. Anyway, during emotional characters, I was given Luscious Team Mascot. It was a chicken. Oh, my friend, it was a luscious chicken.

Worked out with Dom today. Finally used him in a scene a couple of weeks ago. I've been doing impressions of him for a year now, and I've never found a reason to use him during a show. But my arms are shaking; I worked them out so hard today. I was in a really bad mood when I went in due to a stressful phone call, so the adrenaline sort of pushed me to do more than what I normally would have. And now I can barely type. I have no idea how I'm going to take a shower. Washing one's hair requires the arms to be above one's head.

I need a hug.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

What a crazy past couple of days at work. Yesterday at 3:50, Tammy calls. She just left 10 minutes earlier.

T: Um, my car is gone.
A: Psyche.
T: No, I'm serious. I think my car has been stolen.

I run downstairs to find a very sad Tammers. I'm really protective when it comes to my friends. If you mess with them, I will throw down. And I felt completely helpless at this point. All I could do was hug her and be with her until her husband came. Apparently this was the second time in as many days from our lot. Not cool.

Then this morning a girl gets fired. For those of you who know about my work, that's nothing new. What *is* scary, however, is the fact that she threatened to shoot people. She's been carrying a gun in her purse for a few days now and I guess she's been on crystal meth for a month. Although, none of these were factors in her getting fired. Go figure. So now we have an extra security guard to walk us to our cars. Ugh. And I know her. Heck, I *trained* her. Big Yikes. I am actually a little afraid to go to work now. I don't like that feeling.

So let us end this on an up note. Ben makes me laugh out loud.

Note to self: When toasting bread, the number one thing to remember is to plug in the toaster.

In other news, last night I finally got some much needed sleep. I've been running on empty since last Thursday, and yesterday I came home from work and went straight to bed. Other than a phone call to ask if we had True Romance, I got close to a solid 10 hours. Ahh, bliss.

Monday, June 13, 2005

It really amazes me how the universe works sometimes. This weekend was the trip to LA (which will have a separate post later). I got to know my travel partner very well. It's a 10 hour round trip, so much talking was had by all. One of the topics was a girl he loves. They aren't together, but he's waiting for her. I am a hopeless romantic, so that gets me right here (points to heart). I didn't sleep much this weekend; and last night, driving home knowing I would only get 3 hours before work, I was a bit delirious. I was thinking about his situation and mine, and just became really sad. I want to be loved like that. I want to love someone that much. Tosha is giving up the dream to move west for the love of her life. I wanted so badly for Paul to be that person for me. That's why we stayed together so long. I realize that now. I knew he wasn't right for a long time, but I fought it because I wanted it to work more than I wanted to be happy. Sometimes I still do. The weeks after the break up I thought about saying, "Screw it...Forget LA. Let's get married." But my heart knew he wasn't the right person.

Before I go on, I have to set this up:
I've been living with my aunt and uncle since I left him. They are two of the most amazing people in my life. They opened their home to my sister for 9 months when she first moved out here, and they've opened it to me until I go to LA. I am so thankful for them in so many ways. It's been nice to be with family at such a hard transition.

Switching back:
So I'm driving home after a long weekend thinking about all of these things. About how beautiful it is that Tosha found Craig; that David will wait forever for her. And feeling very alone. And the song from Moulin Rouge keeps playing over and over in my head. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." I think my biggest fear is that I won't find it. I see my aunt and uncle after 30+ years of marriage and the love between them is almost tangible. I have so much to give. Which is why I think I'm so affectionate with people. After shows/rehearsals, Faith's head is in my lap, or I'm linked with Ben's arm. I walk into Nancy & Bob's and am completely delirious with lack of sleep. Three hours until I have to get up again, did I mention that? And I walk into my room. When I left, the bed was unmade and there was crap everywhere that I needed to go through. Stuff to keep, stuff to get rid of. I just shut the door so they won't see the mess. But I come home and the bed it made, the sheets are clean, my laundry is done, the junk is in a crate in the closet, the floor is vacuumed, and there's a card on the bed. "Having a niece like you...Is like having a little springtime all year long." Just because. No reason for that. And I am overwhelmed with emotion. That is exactly what I needed. To be reminded that I *am* loved. That there *are* people in my life who I affect and who care about me. Just the simple act of cleaning my room while I was away and leaving a thoughtful card absolutely blew me away. I'm still swallowing the lump in my throat.

So, I thank You for that. For this weekend. For what You've shown me. For what You've helped me remember. For *Your* love.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The best of all days.

It started out with a phone call at work. I was calling a member back who had left a message. Now the hip thing is to have a personalized ringer. So instead of hearing the buzzing of a digital ring, a woman with a very pleasing voice comes on and says, "Please enjoy this music as we connect your call." So I'm expecting elevator music or something. Nope. It's the Ying Yang Twins with "Get Low". Ah, what a great contrast. Then my day gets even better. Brandey mentioned going to LA this weekend to see the improv fest at IO West. I have been talking with zha a lot lately and I'm really excited about being out there. So I email the JesterZ to see if anyone wants to go with me. It's too far for me to drive by myself, I would fall asleep. So far I have one taker, which means I'm going to LA this weekend!! I'm so excited I could pee. I spend the rest of the day emailing people and looking stuff up online. I got absolutely no work done, and we just had a meeting about how far behind certain departments are (not mine) and how we have mandatory overtime for the next two weeks. But I'm going to LA! I will be here and I will get to see these people. And him. I would be writing in all caps so you get the feel for how flippin' excited I am, but all caps annoys me.

Speaking of improv, I had this amazing moment with Faith last night. Michelle and I were trying to get her to say "absolutely not" in a scene (it was our objective). Michelle got her to say "absolutely" and "not", but with lots of stuff in between. The energy was high and it was loud. She was so close it was almost unbearable. Michelle had done a great job of setting everything up to this point. So I take Faith's hands, look her directly in the eyes, and say (very calmly), "Faith, did you bite my shin?" "Absolutely not." It was brilliant! And I'm doing a crummy job of explaining it. Hmmm...I guess it was sort of this very centering moment amid the chaos of the room. Anyway, I loved it.

I needed to leave for work 15 minutes ago, but I can't seem to pull myself away from the computer. So yesterday at work, after I've been there for two hours, Cassy says, "Oh, so I got a new ring." For Valentine's Day her boyfriend bought her a fabulous three diamond ring that she wears on her right hand. They have a beautiful little boy and are planning on getting married next year, but nothing's official. So I look at the rock on her hand.

"That is SO not a "new ring", that is an "engagement ring" and requires that you tell the story behind it!"

I love how casual she was about the whole thing. It looks a lot like her V-Day gift, but bigger. And on her left hand. Bradley picked it out all by himself. Sigh, what a great guy. So the story is, he woke her up at 3 in the morning to ask. How flippin' cute is that!?! He couldn't even wait until the next day. I wonder if he had something planned, but was too excited and needed to do it right away? I wonder if he was laying in bed awake the whole night and just couldn't stand it anymore.

I was walking into Basha's the other day and saw a really old couple. I want that, but am afraid I will never have it. Not with the career I've chosen. I feel selfish sometimes. Like I want too many things all at once, and I'll end up with nothing. If I could give up Dream A, I could have Dream B. Tosha did that, but it's b/c she realized she wanted Dream B more. I miss the companionship. The closeness. The sharing of self. I miss the cuddling. I think that's why I'm so touchyfeely. Luckily most everyone I know is the same.

Ugh, I need to get to work. I hope this morning doesn't start off with yelling and threatening of lawsuits.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Let's talk about Ken. He is my Hagrid...I love him so. During the show on Thursday he came on saying, "The numbers are bad, the numbers are bad!" I was the only one hysterically laughing because that was a direct reference to the season finale of Lost. Check out his LJ.

(there, are you happy? you get a whole post to yourself)


Saturday, June 04, 2005

I'm having mixed emotions about my move. I know it's another 6 months away, but things have been changing quickly. I've become close with some people from JesterZ and work. For the first time in 2 years I feel like I have genuine friends. I've found a place where I belong. And I'm going to leave that. To move to a place that is infamous for shallow users. I think that's one of the reasons why I was too scared to move there in the first place. I'm glad I came to Phoenix first. I had to find myself and become solid before I moved on. But now the move is really starting to scare me.

I've tried to type this next sentence eight different times, but I don't know how. I can't put into words what I'm feeling. When I was in OH I was a hermit and only had a couple of close friends. I never went out or did anything. The one person I cared about the most made the move with me, so I never really left anything behind. But now I go out, I have fun, I'm doing things, I'm building relationships. I want to revert to my hermitness, but I realize that would only be to protect myself. To build a wall again. So that when I leave I won't miss anyone and no one will miss me.

Life hurts. I can't run away from that. I can't run. I can't.

"For starters, my name is not Michael Vaughn.

Friday, June 03, 2005

It would have been three years today.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Las Vegas was fun. I think most people would have been bored with me, I did many touristy things. Tammy and I drove from PHX after work (6am-10am) and got to Caesar's, where my sis works, around 5. We grabbed Lindsay's key and went back to her place to shower and change. I rarely wear makeup, but everone in Vegas is dressed to the 9s, so I sucked it up. We went to Fat Tuesdays and waited for Lindz to get off work. I had one drink. Which is all I needed as I am a lightweight. We went to the Cheesecake Factory after and sat there for a while. Then spent almost 2 hours trying to get out of the Caesar's parking garage at midnight. I was pooped. The next day we walked around and saw a few of the big casinos. I fed $20 into a slot machine and $20 into video poker. Why? I'm not sure. But that was the fastest $40 I've spent in my life. I had much better luck at blackjack. Broke even and got to play for about 30 minutes or so (as opposed to the 14 seconds of slots). Laid out at the pool the next morning, drove home. Beautiful drive, by the way.

Two things I've decided: 1) I will be staying on the strip next visit. Parking and walking was absolutely no fun. Plus it would be neat to go to those huge pools. 2) I will see Cirque Du Soleil. There is absolutely no reason not to. I've wanted to see it for years, but have always been too cheap. And it's not like tickets are a million dollars. They're $100. Which will not make or break me. I can swing a bill. Hey, that's what credit cards are for, right? Plus I've been working a ton of over time and will continue to do that for the next few weeks. So even though I'm saving for my big move, I will still have some spending cash for fun stuff. I'm excited about seeing amazing theater!

In other news, Ohio University, where I spent two quarters and from where Lindsay graduated, is #5 on the list of top 10 party schools. Man, I have some great memories from there.