Monday, February 27, 2006

I seriously have the world's coolest friends. For rehearsal tonight, we sang Silent Night in groups of 2 to practice harmonizing. Then someone got the brilliant idea to go to Fry's @ 44th and Thomas and sing Christmas carols. So we did! It was awesome. Plus, we sounded good to boot. I was also able to get some more mayo and cheese, which were stolen out of my lunch bag this weekend. I came to work, put my apple away, and I found my lunch bag unzipped and empty. I was quite sad. So it was a practical trip to the grocery store, as well. Jeff Watson wore flip flops, which just might be the first time I've ever seen him in that type of footwear. Bill Binder was sad, so we gave him a group hug.

man, i'm really going to miss everyone

Sunday, February 19, 2006

sometimes my family makes me so sad.

Friday, February 17, 2006

on my way...to l.a.

(it's much more fun when you sing it and shake your shoulders)

Thursday, February 16, 2006

i heart bill binder

even more, perhaps, than jack mcbrayer

I am so excited about my trip tomorrow I can barely sit through work. I'm trying not to be too chipper on the phone (I process death claims).

19.5 hours until my plane leaves!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Green Lantern
Wonder Woman
The Flash
Iron Man
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Monday, February 13, 2006

Not a lot of people know this: my mom has depression. She's had it for as long as I can remember. We didn't know what it was for years, but it would quietly show its face after a tee-ball game, or on a Saturday afternoon. We just thought that's how she was, it was part of her personality. But by the time I reached the seventh grade, she wasn't getting out of bed, she was crying all the time, she wasn't eating. I would come home from school and find her on the couch. I would hold her and listen to her talk about how she wanted to die. How she wasn't worth it. What do you say to that? What do you say to your mother, who is supposed to be the strong one...the adult?

I was 13 years old when she was finally diagnosed and hospitalized for several weeks. Every single day my dad would visit her. He would go straight from work and stay with her until visiting hours were over. My sister and I would go on the weekends sometimes to visit. I was learning how to cook and do laundry and pack our lunches.

Now, as an adult, I look back on that time and realize what an amazing relationship my parents have. It would have been so easy for my dad to walk away. He was stressed at work, he had a wife who was dying, and two daughters to raise. And my mom could have let the depression swallow her. She could have shut us out and holed herself up. But they didn't. Now, 15 years later, my parents don't have a flawless marriage. But I challenge you to name two people who do. My mom is still difficult to get along with. My dad can be emotionally distant sometimes. But they love each other and they stayed together through some really dark times.

In church today, Pastor Tim told us about two members of our church who had passed a way a while ago. The story was a man whose wife had a mental illness. I really connected with it. To the point of tears. And I abhor crying in public. I stayed after the sermon to thank Tim for sharing that with the congregation. And just as I opened my mouth to say thank you, I started crying again. On the way home I called my folks to tell them I loved them and I appreciate them. I left a message on their machine, and could barely get through that without becoming choked up.

I realized on my drive home from church the reason I don't like showing my emotions in front of others. We used to go out to eat a lot as a family, even when my mom was at her worst. Because you never knew when it was going to hit. She would want to go out and live a "normal" life. So we would head to Bill Knapp's. But right before our food came, she would start to cry. Or get really angry. And it was completely mortifying to me, a child, that her mother couldn't keep it together in public. But she wouldn't want to leave because she wanted to be normal. It was very important for her that we sit through the meal. I hated her sometimes for that. I just wanted to disappear. I wanted the other diners to stop staring at us.

So, even though I can't imagine being fully comfortable crying in front of another person, I realized today where that all stemmed from. And I was thankful for Pastor Tim and his service. But most of all, I was thankful for my parents. I love them. I respect them. And I called today to tell them.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Why on earth did I just have an incredibly detailed dream about calculus? I think my love of math has just crossed the line.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I found the gift cards I thought I had lost. The back seat of my car is clean. My room is looking better. I only have to find a netflix movie that I've managed to misplace.

My life is slowly piecing itself back together.

Monday, February 06, 2006

sometimes i want to disappear

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Saturday night I had the most marvelous spinach-artichoke dip that has ever passed through my lips. I *highly* recommend Oregano's for the Boom Dip. It is garlic-y goodness.

Friday, February 03, 2006

I stopped by Paul's work on the way home from stuff today. Two people I've known for almost three years (although haven't seen them in over 8 months) didn't recognize me. To the point that I had to reintroduce myself. I guess that's what dropping 25 lbs and coloring your hair will do.

Today for the police training video, one of my scenarios was a prostitute in a holding cell. Tonight I will be performing improv with a group of Christians at a church for First Fridays.

Welcome to the irony that is my life.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Why is it that my nose runs when I eat?