I offered Alexander lessons to anyone who wanted to do it again, half-expecting no one to really take me up on it. But I just got a call and tomorrow I'm doing a lesson. Anyone else interested?

Tonight was group dinner, and Kelly, Molly, and Joeangel were introduced to the magical world of the semi-supine position. Because Faith is now forcing me to be a cult leader.

Also, Hagrid: I am watching Lost. Even though I missed the beginning of the season and it kills me to come into it in the middle, I have been seduced. The thing I don't like about it--and this goes for all tv shows--is that it follows the formula. I know exactly what scene is going to happen next, and when the house is going to blow up. I think Alias was the only show that threw me. That's one of the reasons why I love it so much. And I *refuse* to come in to the middle of that season. Even though Sark is coming back and I want to have his babies. He was born in Oregon, which I never would have guessed.

Tonight was the best night ever! Shane was about an inch taller; Hagrid's voice was about 3 octaves deeper; Greg's nose became un-stopped. Yea for the A.T.!! Even though the circumstances weren't the best--too many people crammed into a small space--the results were great. There were a couple of people I wanted to get feedback from but didn't have a chance. But everyone really seemed to benefit from it. Grrr...I want to get certified! Do you ever wish you could live parallel lives? Then you could do everything you really want to.

Man am I out of shape! I swam laps after work today for a rediculously short time (20 minutes), and I thought I was going to die. I can do 50 minutes on an elliptical machine just fine. But my swimming abilities are muchos lacking. Well, at least I know it can only get better from here. Or I will drown.

And now I'm off to share Alexander with people. Yippee!!

I lived by myself for 2.5 years back in Ohio. No problem. But for the past 2.5 years in AZ I've had roommates of one form or another. Thursday night and tonight Faith stayed with her family. And I'm really lonely. Which gives me mixed feelings. On one hand, I love coming home to someone I can talk with and watch movies with and laugh with. But then when that's gone, I feel the void. So, on the other hand, I guess I don't like being emotionally dependent on someone. Or, rather, I don't like discovering that I've become emotionally dependent on someone. I've always been self-reliant. And I've prided myself in that. Knowing that I didn't need anyone...because needing someone was weak and I am not weak. But maybe that's the lesson I'm supposed to learn. That it's okay to need someone. To need interaction with others, so you don't become a hollow shell on an island.

I love living by myself. Having my own stuff and my own space and my own rules. But, unless I miraculously win the lottery, I will be succumbing to roommates for the next several years. There's no way I can afford a place in LA on my own. But I've come to realize that although I have hermit tendencies, I really like having other people around. And I miss them when they're not here. And that it's not a sign of weakness to want or need others. Because it takes strength to admit it.

Finished reading Battle Royale today. Ugh, I get too attached. It's just a book and the people aren't real. But still, I end up caring about them. And then being mad when the book ends but the story doesn't. Maybe that's the mark of a good writer. Or maybe I'm just a sucker.

Who had fun today? Raise your hand. Oh, me me! Thanks to Michelle's fabulous job, Tammy, Missy (her sister), Michelle, and I got to go horseback riding. It was originally thought to be at the same place that never returned my calls this summer, but it ended up near Black Canyon City, which is on the way to Prescott (which sucked for Tammy b/c she was already on 48th street when I called her to tell her to head back north). We had So. Much. Fun. I shot a pistol for the first time in my life and threw a hatchet. Neither of which I did well, but, hey, it was my first time. Haven't been on a horse in years, so it felt great to be back. I got to show off my mad skillz. Well, not really. I only led once. But it was a blast! Then I talked with Kenny on my 50 minute ride home and got all excited about LA and maybe studying make up.

Tonight is reading and Leon--the full version of The Professional. P.S. zha, have you seen it yet? You really should watch it, I think you'd like it a lot.

Three things;

1. Last night I went to Home Depot for sandpaper, paint, and a paintbrush so I can spruce up the bookshelf I got. (p.s. thank you!!!) Then last night I proceeded to have a dream about sanding it down and painting it. Hmm...I must be excited to start this project or something.

2. Kenny N is quickly becoming one of my favorite people. Here is an excerpt from a recent email: "If I was you and right now I'm not until self cloning is in a better stage of performance research but I would give me a call if your planning too on sat..." I like him enough to ignore the spelling errors. Which is huge for an anal grammar nazi like myself.

3. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!! I hope it is filled with good food and good company. You are all loved.

My dad called me today to let me know they got an inch of snow in Ohio, and the winds were 30 MPH.

"You're in the right place. I wish I was there with ya."

Dear Jason Lewis,
Rehearsal was awesome last night. I love what you bring as a director. Of course, I think you are a brilliant player as well. I hope Canada treats you well and you find a great troupe to work with. Even though I haven't worked with you as long as everyone else, I've really learned a lot from you. Thank you for everything you've done, and for being the fabulous person you are. You will be greatly missed.
Love you,
Ashley

Again, incredible work last night. I'm learning a lot about music, and it makes me want to take a theory course. I'm going to look into that after the new year. And Watson wins the game ball with Jerry Lewis and Lambchop. Although Ken was a close second with the covering of his stained shirt. Nort.

Faith and I got up this morning before 6 and did pilates! Yea for us!

I found a round trip ticket to the bahamas for $469 after taxes and stupid airport fees. I need to make a phone call, but I think this is going to happen. I think I will finally be on a beach after months of whining about it!

I am a bad friend. Hagrid and I were emailing at work Friday and he cracked me up. I told him I was going to quote him that night, but I never got around to it. So here we go, belated but still very much loved:

"Anyway, I didn't know you were talking to Kenny about getting work. I know that you were in contact with him in hopes of bearing a Bloom baby."

Then, yesterday he text messaged me a photo of a Hagrid action figure. I nearly wet myself.

It's official: I need to never plan anything ever again

I have always been a planner. When I was in high school I would write out my week to the minute. From allowing 5 minutes in the morning to lay in bed stretching, to my 7 minute oral routine before I went to sleep. Every second of my life was planned. It would drive Paul crazy. "Don't ask me what I'm doing until 5 minutes before". That was his motto. The past few years I've been trying to let go of my need for control. Mainly because when I would stray from my schedule, I would get really discouraged. This morning was a perfect example of why I need to change.

Yesterday I decided to make a schedule for the first time in I-can't-remember-when. I spent the night on N&B's couch so I could take my folks to the airport in the morning. It went like this:

8-10:15 = get ready, have breakfast/spend time with family, load car
10:15-11 = drive to church, show folks campus, drop parents at airport
11-5:15 = go to Target to pay bill, get oil changed, work out, put laundry away, Home Depot for sandpaper & paint, grocery for muffin ingredients (taking to work Wednesday)
5:15-7 = PIF meeting
7-8 = meet w/ Michelle
8-10 = ken's show

Now, imagine this typed and printed. Each time I'm done with a segment, it gets checked off.

Well, everything was going well until we said our goodbyes and I backed out of the driveway. As I put the car in 1st from reverse, it made a noise I am quickly becoming familiar with. The back driver's side tire was completely flat. This time it didn't take an hour to change b/c my uncle has a hydraulic jack and power tools. Not one, not two, but three giant nails had made their home in my rubber. And Discount Tire is close Sundays, so I can't get it fixed until tomorrow after work. Luckily, I know where one is from my last excursion. Because of all this hoop-la, my folks were unable to see my church. Hopefully if they come for Cubs spring training like they do every year, we can all go to a service. So I drive from Glendale to the airport back to my place (to drop off leftovers that needed to be refrigerated), then to Target, then to Jiffy Lube for the oil change. It was there that the hot oil change guy informed me I shouldn't drive on the highways with a spare. Well, I had already been on the 17, 10, and 202. My poor donut. I decide to wait until I have a good tire on my car before I drive all over for the paint and sandpaper.

But I can laugh at it all. I mean, the day I decide to plan stuff out is the day that stuff goes wrong. So, I've learned my lesson. Nothing goes as planned, and stop planning things. Right now I'm saving every penny I have and working a ton of overtime and doing outside JesterZ shows to save for my move to LA. But, who knows? Maybe something will happen between now and then and I'll use all that money for a down payment on a house. Or ny car will die and I can pay cash for a new one.

Ah, the times I think I'm in control, I'm really not. How sweet.

'member when gwen stefani was cool...when she was just a girl?

Less than 4 hours until I have to get up for work. But the movie was fabulous. My full dissertation will come later. But for now....must....get.....sleep...

I freaked the pooh out of Faith last night. As I was coming in from getting my glasses in the car (so we could spend the evening watching Kill Bill, Volumes 1 & 2), I shouted at the commercial on tv, "Hey, that's Tiffany!! She was my fight partner in college when we got certified!!" She's got a national Kodak spot. If you watch TV and have seen an add for a Kodak digital picture camera that records video with a red-head, that's my friend! So I called her to tell her I just saw it.

So it begins...Saturday I work 6-12, then have a meeting @ 4, then a show @ 7. Sunday I'm taking my parents to the airport, as well as missing church a second week in a row. Last week I had NITA, and this week I'm saying goodbye to the 'rents. Which totally sucks b/c I haven't been to church since I was baptized. I miss it! Oh well, there's always next week...

...which is Thanksgiving. Nancy and Bob are going to Eric's in San Diego. I'm not sure what I'm doing. All I can think about is the fact that I'll have a few days off work and I can FINALLY get my room organized. I want to get my stuff out of storage and prepare for an Alexander workshop. I might just spend some time by myself. I'm around people just about every second of the day, so it'll be nice to have some alone time.

Oh, and the trip to the Bahamas might be back on! Kenny is working through Feb, and I was looking at tickets that first weekend. After taxes and everything, they were around $420. That would be a nice little birthday present to myself. And, at this point, I don't even care about meeting any of the cast. Just being on the beach for a weekend would make me so happy. So cross your fingers on that one!

4.25 hours until Harry!!

By this time tomorrow, I will be with her, watching this.

Boo yah.

Tonight sucked!

Ugh, I'm having major issues with my current troupe. I talked with Specht a little about it. I feel like I've come a long way since the beginning of the year. September '04 I started the advanced class; mid-January I moved to L3; September '05 I moved to L4. I've really improved a lot over the past year, but I feel like I haven't been learning anything lately. We spent 3 hours on 3 edits tonight. That's it. I also feel like I'm being stifled, creatively. So I'm keeping my options open.

Which brings me to my new focus. I don't have a plan, per sey, but I do have little goals. For instance: have credit card paid off by end of year. My job just offered overtime through December, so I'm going to start working 6 days a week. I'm also going to try to do as many outside shows as they'll hire me for. And Paul was offered another job doing the same thing he's doing now, but with a huge raise. So, hopefully he'll take that, because he owes me money. By January 1, I want to seriously start my LA fund again. Faith and I have to be out of this apartment by August, which is a perfect time to move. I brought it up to Matt and Liz tonight, just to let then know I'm still planning on going. Of course, I'd be there in a heartbeat if zha gets stuff set up in March. But I'm not banking on that. (not that i don't think you're going to do crazy great things, because I do. it's just that i need to not rely on that)

Anyway, I'm a little bummed about my current situation. Why can't we all just play together? Why do the JesterZ have to be so segregated? Why can't we just do it because we love the art form?

Tonight was so awesome! And it ended with talk about the Alexander technique. Bill Binder is watching a video about it and wants to bring it to rehearsals. I've been talking with Jeff for a while about how fabulous it is, and he suggested I do a workshop or something. Well, this would be the or something! I am so excited! All of my books are in storage b/c I was waiting on my loft and a bookshelf. So this weekend I'm going to take my books out of storage to grab my Alexander stuff. I'll worry about the bookshelf later. And four other people in the room had heard of the technique. Outside of WSU, I've never met anyone who knew about it. Man, I'm excited like a complete nerd. Seriously...it was hard to not end every sentence in an exclamation point.

P.S. Dear Aloe Vera Suggestion Person: Thank you. I shaved tonight, used the lotion, and do not have razor burn. Rock.

The only potential hazard I can see for my loft is the fact that I have a ceiling fan above the ladder. Hmmm...if there's anything I'm good at, it's injuring myself. So this should be interesting.

One more thing:

Why is it that my hair always looks it's cutest right before I go to bed? I pulled it back when it was wet this morning, and it now has these great waves in it. So I showed Faith. She can appreciate it. But why can't it look this way during the day? Dang.

P.S. I *love* my loft. I love my memory foam topper, I love my new sheets, I love my pillow. And now I can move my stuff into my room and be all settled in. Hooray!

P.P.S. Dear Michelle, Chunk chunk, Love Ashley

Crap, I just realized my ring was repaired last week and I still haven't had a chance to pick it up.

I've been in the mood to watch The Matrix since it was on cable last week, and finally watched half last night and half this morning. It makes me want to work out every day. Because you never know when you're going to be in a situation that will require you to fight 6 people. You better be in top form. So Faith and I are going to start getting up at 5:45 to do pilates together every morning, and I found an LA Fitness less than a mile from where I work. That way I can go to the gym instead of having to sit in traffic every night for an hour. Yea! Watch out, kiddies, I'm going to get my dancer legs back.

I can't believe how much fun this NITA convention is, how little I have to work, and how much I'm getting paid.

I guess I thought it would hurt more. I mean, don't get me wrong, it still hurts, but I just thought it would hurt more. So I'm surprised at myself. And kinda proud. And, amazingly, I'm at peace. It was inevitable. I was waiting for it to happen. But my reaction tonight shows that I wasn't kidding myself. If I hadn't been living in reality, it would have been much more devastating, because it would have been more of a shock. What's even weirder is that I'm actually kinda happy for them. Because to see a love like that is really beautiful. And I appreciate beauty.

But, like I said...don't get me wrong, it still hurts.

The NITA trial was awesome today! I miss hard core acting. Improv is one thing, but having a character and a history and a story is something different. Basically I play Alice Rowe who is suing her boss for sexual harassment. Stanley is a real creapy perv-o. There are six Alices and 6 Stanleys. Hagrid is a Stanley but couldn't get out of work today, but he'll be here tomorrow and Sunday. Anyway, he sent Michelle and I the alltimebest text message ever. Right before we're about to go in, we get this:

U know u wanted it Alice - Stan

Hagrid, you are so awesome! I love ya. :) *Big hugs*

I'm really glad I had dinner with the folks last night and everything, but I'm really sad I missed Faith's first show back--especially since it didn't get taped! We had breakfast together this morning and she talked about how great it was. They went over 15 minutes because everyone was on. But congrats on what sounded like a great return!

I didn't go to rehearsal Tuesday and I'm not doing shows b/c of the 'rents (they're coming to see me next weekend). No PIF meeting Sunday b/c of NITA and more family time. For someone who's been completely immersed in the world of improv lately, I feel a huge void this week. I miss my improv friends.

I miss my parents. I talk to them almost every week, but it wasn't until I actually saw them tonight that I realized how much I miss them. My mom's hair has grown back after chemo, and it's kinda kinky-curly now. Which is much different from the poker straight that I've been used to for my entire life. My dad it much more bald, too. In fact, that's the first thing I noticed. I had to bite my tongue not to say anything. They are so cute! I feel like I'm missing out with them. Especially since one of my best friends is so close with his folks and I see that relationship every week. And Faith's family is all right here, too. But for me, it's sister in Vegas, parents in Ohio, cousin in San Diego. We're all over the place. And for the first time since I've moved out here, I really miss everyone.

I used to watch about 5 different shows last season, plus I had a netflix subscription. When did I have time to sit in front of the tv, and where has it gone? Tonight I have to study my NITA material for an hour, then meet my folks & aunt/uncle for dinner. Then come home and study more. Tomorrow I'm dropping headshots off at my agent's, taking my folks to see my church, and going out to lunch. This all has to be done by noon b/c my call time for NITA is 12:30. When it's over, dinner with the folks, and possibly IKEA. If we don't have time for that Fri night, we're going Sat. After NITA from 9-4:30. Sunday, NITA is 9:30-4. At some point I will be assembling the loft I'm getting. I'm still not completely moved into this room, and mainly it's b/c I'm waiting on the loft. Once that's up, I can find a place for everything.

Seriously, if you're working on a formula to stop time, let me know. I need about 24 extra hours to get all of this crap done.

Quote of the night:

"You can get me one of these for my birthday."

"OK. Wait! What did I just agree to?"


Last night was fun. :)

Yesterday when I was pulling out of Bashas, I looked to the left to make sure no cars were coming. Then I sneezed while my head was turned. And today my neck and jaw hurt.

The stupidest song on the radio is by the Black Eyed Peas. I absolutely hate it. The lyrics are so simplistic a 5 year old could have written them. The beat sounds like something from a keyboard circa 1985. And for some unknown reason, I just couldn't switch the channel. I was drawn into it's black hole of garbage. I mean, really. "My lovely lady lumps"?? Come on.

You know when you're in a check out lane and someone is on their cell phone the entire time? I find that HIGHLY annoying. Well, I was my own pet peeve today at Target. But it was for a good reason!! My sister, who I never get to talk to, called me up to say hi. I'm going to Vegas in January for an improv workshop, and I wanted to see her. Plus we both have January birthdays, so I figured we could celebrate. Plus, she can get me in free to Mystere!!! That is, of course, if she hasn't been transferred to California before then. Which is a possibility. So cross your fingers that I will be able to fulfill a life-long dream in January. I'm also going to try to make a trip to LA to celebrate more January birthdays. We shall see.

Also, I love Bashas. Nothing says lame-o more than walking down the cereal aisle, singing along to the oldies on the speaker system. They have the best music there! And because of my wonderful dad, I knew all the songs. Duke of Earl, Jailhouse Rock, Rockin' Robin, to name a few. It was a good night. Plus we now have a toaster oven, iron, hand mixers, cool clock, food, and the beginnings of a pumpkin pie. (sorry, you will have to wait a couple of weeks before I can make it, but it will be good)

My folks are coming to visit. "When?" you might ask...The 10th, of course. 6 months in a row now. Anyway, I found a loft I liked at IKEA, but couldn't get it to my car by myself--and my car wasn't big enough for the loft and the mattress. So I will be taking advantage of my uncle's SUV, and also his tool box. Between the two of us, we can probably assemble it in 6 seconds flat.

Crap, I was going to go to bed an hour ago. Oh well. P.S. I still love my new place!!! Michelle, talk to your dang land lord already!

I got baptized today. It was awesome.

Does anyone have a remedy for razor burn? Is there a certain type of shaving cream I should use? Any tips or tricks? Because, well, ouch.

The show was fun tonight! The biggest compliment I got came from Mindy. The only thing she saw was dream sequence. She said I was so confident in my movements. Which is awesome, b/c that's what I've been lacking since being moved up--confidence, not movements. Plus I got to play with Brandey tonight, which made it more comfortable. And Jason. I love Jason. I will miss Jason. HEY EVERYONE: STOP LEAVING!!! Lamar is a 30+ white boy who can dance like Usher. Who knew??!

Michelle, I got to do a few scenes w/ Eric M. Jealous much?

Plus it's always a good night when I get to spoof Alias.

beddy-by

Busy Bee

Friday: 8 pm show; bed

Saturday: 6 am wake up; take apart bed so karen can move; work out; movie w/ faith; mall for steven, cookies, ring repair, panties; IKEA for loft and possibly desk; food w/ Cynthia; Inherit the Wind; Bingo Jam.

Sunday: Sunday School; church (baptism); PIF meeting; Original's show (ken!!)

At some point during all of this I have to do my "homework" for SS, type up last weeks PIF minutes, and move my stuff into Faith's room when she moves into Karen's. The play and the Bingo Jam may not happen, but hopefully I'll have enough time. Food w/ Cynthia is important b/c she's moving to Chicago and I will miss her and this is the only time we can get together. I didn't even get to say goodbye to Chris. He moved to CA today.

Right now, if I had a superpower, it would be to stop time so I could get all of my things done.

It doesn't matter anymore.

Knowing or not knowing won't change anything. It was in the past. What's done is done. If they hooked up while we were dating, who cares? It has absolutely no effect on my current life. The only reason I would want to know is to quench my own thirst. And I realized after a few text messages and an email that if I asked him, it would really hurt him. He doesn't want to see or talk to me for a while. I had no idea how much he still thinks about me or how much he wants me back.

I'm so sorry. You'll find her. She's out there. But she's just not me.

no one is online. i guess i should go to bed. humph.

OK, so it doesn't even matter anymore, and it really doesn't affect me, and I don't even care. But after a phone call today my interest was sparked. OK, more like ignited. I mean, I fell out of love with him months before I had the balls to break up.

But when did he *really* first kiss her?