I lived by myself for 2.5 years back in Ohio. No problem. But for the past 2.5 years in AZ I've had roommates of one form or another. Thursday night and tonight Faith stayed with her family. And I'm really lonely. Which gives me mixed feelings. On one hand, I love coming home to someone I can talk with and watch movies with and laugh with. But then when that's gone, I feel the void. So, on the other hand, I guess I don't like being emotionally dependent on someone. Or, rather, I don't like discovering that I've become emotionally dependent on someone. I've always been self-reliant. And I've prided myself in that. Knowing that I didn't need anyone...because needing someone was weak and I am not weak. But maybe that's the lesson I'm supposed to learn. That it's okay to need someone. To need interaction with others, so you don't become a hollow shell on an island.

I love living by myself. Having my own stuff and my own space and my own rules. But, unless I miraculously win the lottery, I will be succumbing to roommates for the next several years. There's no way I can afford a place in LA on my own. But I've come to realize that although I have hermit tendencies, I really like having other people around. And I miss them when they're not here. And that it's not a sign of weakness to want or need others. Because it takes strength to admit it.