I can't find my vacuum/mop thing. I lent it out a while ago, but I'm positive I got it back. Did I lend it out again? Does anyone know where it is?

I have a weird way of losing random things during moves. My last move I lost my crockpot. I remember packing it in Faith's trunk. Then it disappeared. When I moved from OH, I lost 3 photo albums. The crockpot and vacuum/mop I can replace. Photos from when I was a kid, I can't. I'm not all sentimental or anything, but I love looking at my parents' old photos. I'd like to be able to share that with my own kids someday. Also, I was a damn cute child.

Anyway, if anyone has my vacuum/mop, can you please let me know? Or if you happen upon the vortex that eats my stuff when I move, send the location!

Why do you hate me, Salads?

Cubs Game!!!

Saturday Justin, Chris, and I went to a Cubs game. We missed the first inning b/c every entrance we tried to go in wouldn't let us. Score was 0-0. Then, the first two hits of the game were homers by the Cubbies! I immediately thought (after a lifetime of being a fan via my father), "OK, boys, how are you going to mess this up?" I was on the phone with Cosand, and he said they were up the last game he saw.

"Did you finish the game?"

"No, but I think I stopped watching in the 9th inning."

Oh, Cosand, let me tell you a thing or two about the Chicago Cubs...Uh, they lost that game. Also, a game before they were up by I think 4 runs by the 9th, and still managed to lose. Anyway, the most interesting part of the game didn't happen on the field. It happened in our section. Here is a semi-shortened version: 7 kids tried to get a wave started. They tried oh-so-hard, but nothing ever happened. Then an unrelated kid took a Dodgers flag and ran down the length of the seats. When he came back, people started cheering. He continued running the length back and forth. Eventually a wave started. It took a couple of times, but it finally made it around the entire stadium. I gotta say--it's pretty dang cool to watch a wave start, then go around an entire stadium full of 54,000 people. *Then* a third kid held up a cubs hat and got ejected from the park. I'm not kidding. I felt like I was a part of a Twilight Zone episode. I mean, I couldn't believe he was kicked out. It's not like he was running the aisle and getting in people's way like the Dodger's kid. But, whatever.

Oh, and the best part of the game? Cubs won on a double play!!!

Chris is performing with Craig Cackowski Friday night. If you are in L.A., go see him!

Speaking of IO, I'm not sure when I'm going to start classes. The next round begins June 25. But I'm traveling most of July, so I may just wait til the next round starts. Plus that'll give me time to get settled in. There is still so much left to do. I think I just talked myself into waiting. Fabulous.

OK, back to work.

I no longer take four flights of stairs twice a day. I can feel my muscles atrophying. As soon as I'm moved and settled, it's gym gym gym, every day!

bigger sigh of relief: we got the place!

still tons to do: set up electricity, internet, cancel stuff here, get new bank account (no chase in CA), hire movers, pack, change address on a billion things, etc.

but we have a place to live. whew!

Well, slight sigh of relief. The place we're applying officially has everything they need to make a decision. zha was able to drop the money orders off for us (thankyouthankyouthankyou) and my work finally sent my paystubs. Now we just wait to see if we're approved and when we can move in.

Michelle sent me her version of Life On Mars. I sat there, on my floor, listening to her sing and play the piano, and about cried. I absolutely love that song (have 3 versions. well, now 4), and she is so talented and the fact that it was a going away present...well, it all added up to a lumpy throat.

Long distance relationships are hard. I'm not gonna lie. Especially when you're in the beginning phase and you want to be around each other as much as possible. With 1000 miles between us, it's not fun. For me, at least. I won't put words in his mouth, but I'm willing to bet he's not at home right now dancing a jig. So a couple of days ago I'm cleaning up some scrap paper, and I find a little note he wrote last visit. Just a hello. And it felt like he was here. I can't even describe how nice that was. It's little things like that that make the distance not so much a big deal. Just a reminder of how completely worth it he is.

*sigh*

This weekend was...I don't know..."disaster" is too dramatic. I'm exhausted and not happy and even more stressed out than before. I have no idea where the eff my social security card is, and I need that by tomorrow. I also need my last three paystubs, which--of course--I shred. So I'm waiting on the finance department to send me electronic copies. I'm afraid that living with Faith is going to strain our friendship. I'm afraid I won't have internet set up in time to work. I'm afraid I won't have a place to live in a week.

I can't wait to be out there, but too much has to fall into place. I'm completely overwhelmed.

I wish it were next week already.

I go in a little bitty-bit to find a new place to live.

Wish me luck!!!

a lot of people have been asking about the move to l.a. most of those people read this. so here is the rundown:

Friday morning leave at 3 am to drive out there to sit in traffic to start the search for apartments! Look for apartments all day.

Friday night (this was just decided two minutes ago) go out to the arclight for dinner/socializing w/ z's friends.

Saturday morning get up and look for apartments all day. Choose a place and apply. Hopefully get approved over the weekend.

Saturday night drive back to PHX.

Sunday - Tuesday = process claims all day. Take breaks to pack.

Rent truck Wednesday. Load crap into truck. Move crap to L.A.

I will stay in L.A. that weekend b/c Justin will be there for OoB West. Also, check out that line up! I will get to see Asaf and Jesse and Joe and Pgraph which I've heard a lot about. Actually, I think I want to see all of the shows. We are going to a Cubs game at some point. I forget when. Anyway, I will come back to PHX b/c internet will probably not be set up in Cali, so I will have a sleeping bag and my work stuff here, and that's about it. Wednesday I have a dentist appt and will babysit Ethan and Cassy's mom's kid that night. Thursday I will pack up the rest of my stuff and move. I hopeHopeHOPE internet is set up by then. Otherwise I'm kinda screwed.

I know there are a ton of people who wanted to get together. That's not gonna happen. I'm sorry. Things got all squished together and I have no time. But I'll be back in town frequently, so we'll definitely make time. Besides, I bought an Apollo 12 show. So at some point, Faith and I will come back here and have a going away party. A12 will perform!

And that's the scoop!

Working from home is awesome! Unless your system crashes and you can only process 4 hours instead of the 10 you wanted. And then it happens the next day. I will start again after lunch. On the up side, I'm getting a TON more work done. I will easily be able to hit my 160 goal. And when I'm all settled in l.a., I will easily be able to hit 200/week. Maybe even more!


Dear Sirius, you are sucking. Why? I wanted a boat and a nice home. Now I'm going to have to do it the old fashioned way--actually working. Boo! (but i will hold on, in case of a merger, and in case you skyrocket. i'm not giving up!!!)

Yesterday I fell asleep directly after a foot massage. I wake up and he's loading my dishwasher; my apartment is straightened up.

Seriously, I have the best guy in the world!

It is my first day working from home!!!

PIF kicked my ass, as I knew it would. It was so nice to be able to sleep in this morning. I am in pjs and getting claims ready to process. I can definitely get used to this!

How can I work on a day like today? It is my last day in the office. I have all of my hardware at home to start telecommuting Monday morning!!! Of course, not everything was working and I had to bring the box back in so a dual monitor card could be added. (Yes, José, strangely my box didn't have everything it needed to function) And some plug-ins weren't downloading properly. But (hopefully) all will be fixed today and I will take 150 claims home with me. My room is all arranged and set up. I just don't know where I'm going to store my personal computer/monitor/printer for the next month. Our empty spaces are filled with boxes waiting to be packed.

After work I have a bit more organizing and cleaning to do before ColdTowne comes in. And tonight I pick Justin up from the airport. Looking very forward to seeing him again. I may try to cram in a nap between work, cleaning, and airport picking up. I didn't sleep last night after about 3 am. So I'm pretty pooped now.

But today is a new day. And life, in general, is pretty fantastic.

Twice I stared at my computer screen today at work, fighting the lump in my throat.

I went through old pictures last night.

Today I called Martha. That was hard. She sounded really good. She was eating ice cream, which made me smile. With much difficulty, I managed to keep my voice steady when we spoke.

I will see her in July. I will see Hanuman again. I will meet Zephyr. She says he's just like his dad.

Dreamt about the ocean last night. It's funny how your subconscious comforts you. I was snorkling. Just swimming around in the water, interacting with the life. Had a nice moment with a whale.

Then (after a lot of other stuff happened) I was in a room, sitting on a bed. zha's head was in my lap. We were sharing a mint ice cream cone. zochae was sitting at the foot of the bed. We were talking. He said, "I cried a little. I'm going to miss Martha and my boys." I started crying and I touched his knee. "You're not real. This isn't real. You're dead already. And I miss you."

I cried really hard in my dream, and leaned over and rested my head on his knee. My alarm goes off. "But it's Saturday, why is my alarm going off at 5:30 on a Saturday?" Then I realized it was Tuesday, but I went back to sleep. Do you know how exhausting it is to wake up to a restless night and the last dream you had you were really upset? I don't want to go to work today. I didn't sleep well last night. At. All. I'm going to be a half hour late and I don't care.

zochae

I knew him before that was his name. It was the Summer of Craziness. The summer of Worst Mistake. He was such an artist. I loved the colors he used and the detail. I remember most of those paintings. I remember seeing them in various stages of completion. I wrote a poem about him once. And I *never* write poems. But he was my friend and special to me and I wanted him to have something nice.

We saw The Cell together. Isn't it funny, the things we remember? We were standing in the kitchen at my parents' house. We spoke with my mom. When I came home after the movie, my dad informed me that zochae was not welcome in the house. Because he stood up for me when my mom was being critical? Fine. Whatever. My parents and I didn't exactly get along that summer.

He was zha's best friend for a while. Lots of pictures were taken in those months. zha did a photo shoot with zochae and I once. I wonder if he still has those pictures...

I remember when he met Martha. I remember their wedding. I remember potlucks and drum circles at their house. I remember helping them build a garden in their back yard. They had watermelons and pumpkins. I remember singing to Martha's belly. I remember when Hanuman was born. I have so many pictures of that kid!

Pictures...pictures...that's all we have, really. Frozen moments of time.

I love you, my friend. I miss you. I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye.

Hey, the latest Neutrino show is up! Go check it out here.

I'm really happy how it turned out. In the first scene w/ Tommy, I turn to look at him right as the music swells - not planned. Improv ROCKS MY WORLD!

I almost had a stroke tonight driving back from the Trunk Space. The speed limit is 65, and I was stuck at 58. There were four lanes I was weaving in and out of, and I just couldn't get any faster.

Then, miracle of miracles, I get the light off the freeway *and* the one at 32nd street green. That has never happened in the 12 months that I have lived here. And let me tell you, both of those lights are extra long. So, thank God for small favors.

Tammy emailed me today asking if I played the piano. I'm already taking her wedding photos and (apparently) doing her make up (that one I just found out about today). I jokingly wondered if I should get an online certification to officiate her wedding. Crimeny, woman!

The next weekend is Tosha's wedding. I was planning on staying in OH for a week. I guess I still am, it's just going to probably be from a Wed to a Wed. Or something like that. But I wanted to actually be able to see and hang out with her one day.

All these damn people and their damn marriages.

Also: This is my 1000th post.

Last night was another Neutrino show. It was after a free showing of the Delmonic Interviews. I was on a team with Tommy Schaeffer (actor), Bill (runner), and Michelle (director). Tommy and I talked about how guy/girl scenes always turn into boyfriend/girlfriend scenes. So maybe our characters could be siblings or cousins. Then we talked about having a completely silent scene.

That inspired Michelle. We were all pretty stoked on the idea of not talking. But we didn't want to force anything. As soon as our team got our item - a silver angel that may have been a nickle at one time--we ran to the art area. She took still shots of us, then cut to us in the bathroom, making out. So much for being siblings. I've been fortunate enough to avoid a make out scene up til that point. As idiotic as it sounds, it's something I'm not really comfortable with. But I'm glad Tommy was my scene partner last night, b/c I think he's the only person in PNP I would feel comfortable fake making out with.

So, the first segment we didn't speak. The second segment was pretty silent. But it came out that he was dating someone and needed to end it. The third segment was a fight. Our whole story line was straight. No comedy at all. Tommy even mentioned at one point that he felt a little odd in the car b/c it felt real. That is fantastic!!

In KsomeA, our scene work was very real. We absolutely did not go for comedy. I'm not saying everything was super serious, but we weren't being silly. Which is sometimes how it can go. Bill directed us, and there were times when I could tell he was uncomfortable watching the scenes. Only because they weren't happy-go-lucky scenes. They dealt with real problems and real emotions.

Sometimes I wonder if audiences are ready for that. Not audiences in general, just *our* specific audience for PNP. I mean, if you go in to something and think it's going to be lighthearted and you're going to laugh, but then it's not that at all...well, you'd be disappointed. Or maybe you just flat out wouldn't like it. There are certain expectations. I don't feel like I'm expressing my thoughts on this very well. Hmm...But we only had 5 people in the audience, and the other two teams could be funny, so this was a perfect time to experiment.

Anyway, as soon as it's up, I'll post the link.

Almost didn't go to rehearsal last night. Things have been a little crazy since Sunday morning, and I was in the middle of a phone conversation when I left. I sat in the parking lot outside Bill's place for a half hour until our talk was finished. Hagrid tm'ed me to see where I was, but I couldn't respond. I'd been kinda raw, emotionally, and drained. When I hung up, for a billionth of a second I almost turned my car back on and went home. Then I thought it would be good to be around my friends. So I went in. Hagrid, Mr. Watson, and Shane were there. I made the decision to warm up, but just sit and watch rehearsal.

They stand up and we are going to start warm ups. Hagrid says something to me. I forget what. And whatever my response was--not the usual, bouncy Tonks--made him come over and give me a hug. I immediately start crying. Crap. I friggin' A) hate crying, B) hate crying in front of other people, and C) especially hate crying in front of several guys. After I get my stupid crying out of the way, I decide to participate in rehearsal. So we end up doing this emotional check in. Then Cosand, Michelle, and Greg show up. Rehearsal was simple and fun. We just did scenes to songs. I had a super fun one with Greg that ended in him rapping and me cracking up but not caring that I was breaking character. It reminded me of another song we did in rehearsal a million years ago where I did this silly dance behind him. Then there was a scene/song with Jeff that got really intense. We Hugged It Out, clap clap. And Michelle and Hagrid were fantastico.

I was super glad I went, but also glad rehearsal was short. I definitely wasn't up for a full on hard core rehearsal. But I was glad to be surrounded by people I love who love me back. Hooray for improv!!!

Seriously, how does the rest of the world deal with life? It seems an impossible feat.

Hooray!!!

Good news!!!

My biopsies came back negative. No precancerous cells. And I can swim again!

*whew*

I had the longest, strangest dream last night. Lately, I've awakened from my dreams in a panic state. This morning I woke up peaceful and refreshed. It was a nice change.

P.S. Jy - Don't freak out. This was only a dream. It means nothing.

Geez. Boys. I tell ya. :-)

I dreamt I was getting married. My dad was walking me down this incredibly long aisle. We're talking a half a mile. By the time I got to the alter, it was a completely different setting. There were fifty steps that led up to I-don't-know-what. The priest was in the middle of the steps and Justin and I were right below him. There was a wooden criss/cross roof thing and it was outside and very sunny. I looked around and didn't recognize anyone in the crowd of about 1000. The ceremony was ridiculously long. We had to recite stuff that we hadn't rehearsed, but we didn't care. There was just this sense of overwhelming happiness. I had no idea what I was doing because it was a Catholic wedding and I'm not Catholic. We had to solve a cross word puzzle together. Justin said, "Let's get this show on the road. I love this girl." And I thought, "Oh, good. I like that the first time he said that was our wedding day."

I looked at the front row and noticed his dad was sweating. (Except the semi-conscious part of me thought, that's not what his dad looks like.) We left the ceremony and took him to a lounge area outside of the steps area. The three of us sat on this huge leather reclining chair. I remember the color and the shine of the material. The floor was stone and there were vines and stone ponds around. His dad was sick or something and we just sat there as he told us stories about boats and dogs and children. We laughed until he felt better. Then we went back to the stairs because, oh yeah, we're supposed to get married. Well, Molly Jo Head (a girl I went to college with) was wearing the same dress as me, and they were lifting her up on a wooden chair and carrying her around. And I thought, wow, I'm glad I have a stand in for that--because it looks really dangerous. There were four other couples waiting to get married, so our ceremony was over. But we never actually got married. And it didn't matter. Eh, we'll do it later.

Then I'm outside with my mom and we're walking a small dog. Not as small as my sister's, but small all the same. I forget what we're talking about. But I remember it was night and along a river. That part lasted a long time, but I can't remember what happened or what we talked about. Only that the moon looked beautiful and I was happy. The dog ran ahead of us to the same door from the ceremony earlier. Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be on my honeymoon. But does it count since I never technically got married? We open the door to daylight and the beach. (Again, the semi-conscious part of my brain thought, IMDB/goofs/continuity) There are thousands of people around. Everyone from the wedding was there. Some people were playing volleyball. Justin was sitting on a blanket with his back to me, wet from the ocean, talking to friends. I run up behind him and jump on his back. He stands up and we play volleyball piggy-back style. But there are gnats and bees everywhere. He runs around, trying to get away. I try swatting them dead. Then I let go with my arms and hang upside-down from his waist by my legs. I do a back walk-over as a dismount. He looks at me.

"I'm going swimming," I say.

"I'm going back to the blanket," he says.

"OK, see ya later."

We waive to each other go our separate ways. I run to the ocean and close my eyes and tilt my head up to the warm sun and breath in the delicious ocean air and smile.