Saw Harry Potter today. That's become my thing with Nertoosha. Every Tuesday night, see a movie for a buck-fifty. And it was great up until this chess game part. The red-headed kid was going to sacrifice his knight so the queen would take it and Harry was free to checkmate the king. And I was all pissy because I thought that move was illegal. Which was originally what my post was about. I had a link to chess rules and everything. Until I actually started explaining what pissed me off. You can't make a move in which your opponent can take your king the next move. zha and I have had to redo games where we missed a check and one of us didn't take the king out of check (except the other didn't realize the king was in check to begin with--hey we're not Bobby Fisher). But then I realized that the move wasn't illegal. Then queen took the night, and Harry was able to put the king in checkmate. Which means that no matter where the king moved, the opponent would capture it. So I bitched to Tosha during the movie and out in the parking lot, when, in fact, I was the moron. Go figure.

I had a sex talk with my mom today. Do you know how many things are wrong about that sentence? Damn Oprah Winfrey had a show about it. So I'm telling her about my day--I started my new job and I love it!--and she says, "Do you know what a dental dam is?" Which, actually, I did not. But, ohmygod, what a conversation it spawned. Apparently 12 year olds are giving head now. When I was twelve, I got my first french kiss. It wasn't bad, but I sure as hell was not going to put anything else in my mouth. And I couldn't understand the whole "fingering" concept. I mean, how different was it than putting a tampon in over and over?--which did not sound like something I wanted. Well, five years later I discovered it wasn't so bad. It was nothing like the tampon situation. But at 12!?! Kids these days. Eek, I sound old. And prudish. But for cryin' out loud little ones, don't think you're a virgin if you let him put it up your butt. And she asked about "holding it in your mouth?" "Yeah, have you heard of spitting or swollowing?" "No." I can't believe I explained blow job etiquette to my 55-year-old mother. I think I need therapy.

Speaking of which, I'm a dork and signed up for the mailing list of a hobbit. I'm becoming obsessed with this damn movie and the books. SOMEONE HELP ME!!

I found this from this website. Doesn't it kind of look like a glass dildo?

So I've had a nice past couple of days. I've been kind of bummed out lately because my life consists of work, the gym, and sleep. I've been busy lately with a wedding and a job change, but I haven't had much of a social life. And I thought about last summer and how much fun I had, and even the summer before that. And I saw this summer stretching out in front of my with only work, the gym, and sleep in the cards. Well, this weekend, I worked for my girlfriend's entertainment company. They do weddings and birthday parties and the sort. After the Friday party, a friend of ours was going with a group of people to a bar cause it was his birthday. So I came along. Not really wanting to. Not wanting to stay late. Bars are not my scene. And I wanted to be up early to hit the gym before the party I was working that day. We head to the Hills, a place I've never been, and end up closing the bar. Much fun was had by all. I saw a couple of guys I hadn't seen in a while, and met some new people. Then, since it was Brian's birthday, he wanted to go to a strip club. We then head to the KC Lounge. Just for the hell of it. But when we get there, it's closing. So we head back to Brian's to hang some more. And when I get home, I have to make my bed. It's four in the morning, and I probably should not be doing anything that involves thinking, so it takes me 20 minutes to put on the goddam fitted sheet. I almost cried. Saturday I spend with my lady at a birthday party for a six-year-old whose parents are millionaires. Then we head to WSU to watch a student caberet show, which wasn't bad. There was a freshman girl who weight eight pounds soaking wet, but had a voice that wouldn't quit. Then Tosh and Paul R. came over and we watched The Osbournes and chatted. It was a good conversation. See, I like debating issues. Especially with people who know that even if I dissagree with what they are saying, they don't take that as a personal attack. That's one of the things I love about zha. No matter how intense the debate may get (and I don't think we've ever really had an intense one), we know our friendship is never in trouble. Because we can separate the two. Not everyone can do that.

Anyway, I think this summer just may not suck.

Person Upstairs Update

She has now purchased a jackhammer. And it works just fine. In fact, she's been testing it for the past two mornings around 7:45.

For those of you who may have noticed, I've edited my links list. Sadly. zha/critic, zha, and bluecell no longer exist. I enjoyed reading them while they were up (especially zha/critic), and hope that someday new sites will fill this void in my life. (yes, that is a desperate plea you can hear)

On another note, I've found some fun things while surfing. This absolutely cracks me up, especially since I'm a Legolas fan. Did you see the part when he loaded and shot three arrows in a row? That was one of my favorite fight scenes. I got it from this website, also good if you're a Lord of the Rings fan. So check out the diaries if you have time (like for those of you at work who are not doing anything productive).

One more thing. I came across a suicidal opossum the other day. It was night and he ran out in front of me, so I slowed way down and swerved to the right. He ran faster, trying to get under my tire. I told him, no matter what he did, I would not run him over. OK, you know how you yell at other drivers in the hope that they'll hear you and take your advice and get lessons on how to properly operate a vehicle? Well, this opossum actually heard me and moped off to the other side of the road. I swear to god, he moped.

P.S. There was also regular floss and super floss in my pack of goodies.

And another thing...what is up with the internet?!? Two of my favorite sites are down (zha and zha/critic), I think for good. So is bluecell. And my comments are gone. So I wasn't going to say anything about the zha stuff until I talked to him, but the comments were the last straw! I went to that website to see what was wrong, and it said, "Page not available." Ohh, you better be down for some maintenance stuff, or kneecaps will go 'a flyin'!

So no one but me is going to care about this post. My feelings won't be hurt if you don't read it.

Today I went to the dentist. And it was enjoyable. I'm real anal about my teeth, and the hygienist noticed. Which is good, seeing as I haven't had a cleaning in close to three years. I have this stain on one of my teeth--don't know how it got there, don't smoke, don't drink pop or coffee--and I wanted to have it removed before I had my headshots taken. I figured this would be at another appointment and cost lots of money. No! I have some binding on a tooth and that was stained, so he just shaved it off. Not pleasant, but taken care of. And my teeth have become sensitive over the past few years. Well, it turns out it's because I've been using whitening toothpaste. So no more of that. And I left with a bag of goodies. A new toothbrush and some toothpaste for sensitive teeth. I am so excited! You have no idea. And I'm not arguing with the dorky names you are calling me at the moment. I went to the dentist, and, dammit, I liked it. So there!

On another note: When having a bad body image day, the best course of treatment does not include going clothes shopping with a person who is a size 2.

I'm going to miss the sound of the windchimes on the porch. I'm going to miss the smell of freshly cut grass as I walk around to the front door because I forgot the garage door opener. Again. I'm going to miss coming over here to do my laundry for free. I'm going to miss my swim class with my mom. I'm going to miss the streets I grew up on. I'm going to miss sitting here and watching tv. I'm going to miss fixing all of their electronic stuff. I'm going to miss being able to come over for dinner whenever I want. I'm going to miss stealing the snacks she has around the house. I'm going to miss my fat kitty. I'm going to miss everything that's familiar to me. I'm going to miss Lindsay's farts and Dad's belches. I'm going to miss birthdays and some holidays. I'm going to miss Mom's new decorations. I'm going to miss laughing here. I'm even going to miss crying.

I'm really going to miss you guys.

We saw this together. I, however, do not want to see it again right away. I must definitely see it again, don't get me wrong, but I need time to regroup emotionally. And it truly is one of the most beautiful movies ever made.

On another note, Officer Hottie stopped in to my work today. He was the one who was handling my car accident case. Well, today we had a drunk woman come in and try to give us a fake check, so my manager called the police. We were standing around when the police car pulled up, and I laughed and said, "Wouldn't it be funny if that was Officer Hottie?" Well, it was. And I miss my Libbinator. She would have been there to see said cutiepie, but she has been banished to the south lab to learn a new machine.
:(

No time
No sleep
Much to do
Much is done
One wedding down
One more to go
Then the move
Oh, and a change in jobs
Mix in a little screenplay
And you have my life
I miss being social

I just finished watching Pollock, which was kind of hard. My mom borrowed it from the library, so I had to watch it tonight if I wanted to see it. And I kind of didn't. zha had seen it, and, if I remember correctly, liked it. I, however, was not in a movie-watching mood. I stopped it a couple of times and flipped channels, then Tosh called. After we got off the phone, I hit play again. See, I'm the type of person who, once a film is begun, must finish it. Unless making out is involved, but that's a whole other category. So I watched the rest of the movie. And I'm glad. It was well directed. Slow at some points. Excruciatingly so, however, necessary. That's how his life was. Incredibly painful. There was a lot of silence. And a very good ending. That made up for the parts I fast forwarded through. What an ending. Very abrupt. And it made me think. I see a lot of myself in Lee, and a lot of zha in Pollock. And it was good to watch a film about a struggling artist. I've been kind of down on myself because I really haven't pursued the whole dealer thing. I mean, I own my own business, but I'm not doing anything about it. I have taken steps, but nothing is moving fast enough for me. I need everything right now. Fast. So, even though it took Pollock years to sell anything, in my world, that's unacceptable. So this movie sort of helped me get a grip on reality.

Another reality check came this weekend. Tosha and I went to this thing in Columbus. And I was so disappointed that I'm not linking anything to the site. It was a "movie/music/model expo", with speakers in the industry. It was from 12-8, so I wanted to leave by 10:30 to make sure we had plenty of time to get there. It was at the Columbus Convention Center, but nowhere could I find directions. I wanted to scream. There was no info on the website, I couldn't find it on mapquest.com. Nothing. So I finally called information and they gave me the street name--but NO NUMBER! (You can't tell, but I was punching the keyboard on that last one) Frustrated? Yes. I knew how to get to High Street, so I figured we could just ask for directions there. Luckily there were signs. On the website, there was also an itinerary. All of the music stuff was in the early afternoon, and the movie stuff was later. So it didn't bother me that we left an hour later than intended and we ate lunch before parking. OK. Columbus. If you've never been, you're really not missing anything. I forgot how much I hated Columbus until we got there. The only good thing about it was there were 49 signs pointing us in the direction of the Convention Center. Back in high school, I had nothing else to do for spring break, so Heather, Emily, Andrea, and I decided to go there for a few days. We thought we could shop and go to a club and generally have a good time. No, not so much. See, nothing is ever open in Columbus. No place to eat, no clubs. Nothing. And Tosha noted that as we were looking for a place to eat. Luckily Wendy's does not succumb to the black hole of the city, and I was able to enjoy a single with cheese, no tomato. P.S. It also snowed during that spring break trip. Well, Tosh and I walk in to this huge room and there are a lot of tables set up with reps from different places. All but two were Columbus-based. I do not want a year contract with someone who can't transfer to Cali. It was pointless. We found one good agent and one good headshot guy. Which, actually, made the trip worth it. Plus I got to spend the whole day with my girlfriend. We leave for a bit to have dinner, and found a cool place--the market. A huge warehouse full of different foods. You buy stuff downstairs, then go upstairs to eat. We're there for almost two hours, but this being Columbus, the market closed at 5:30 and we had to leave. What is the deal?!? We both are tired (she had a late night booty-call, I'm just a loser and had been out with a friend the night before) and aren't really learning anything, so we leave. But not before we witnessed perhaps the most pathetic runway show ever. Not that the clothes were bad, but the girls, well, you just had to see it. This one black girl completely kicked ass, and there was another chick who had 8-mile legs, but no one else had personality. There were two dancers (and by that I mean they danced (poorly and with no rhythm) to the music when it wasn't their turn to be in the spotlight, which is a HUGE run-way no-no) who really shouldn't have been allowed to leave the house. But what can you do? So we made fun of them then drove home. We picked up some Girl Scout Thin Mint Edy's Ice Cream and watched The Osbournes. After I made her watch my dorky boyfriend on Conan. It turned into quite a nice day. In all honesty, I had a ball in Crappy Columbus with my lady and even more fun eating the ice cream.

Things you should have learned:
1) Don't go to Columbus if you are looking for fun.
2) You don't have to be pretty/coordinated/talented/a human to be a run-way model
3) Late night booty calls are fine, as long as you give yourself enough time in the morning to get ready for the day's events.

It's really annoying that the last two times I've wanted to make a post about how much it sucks that every time I want to post, blogger is down--blogger is actually down.

Lately I've been singing the I'm-not-loving-my-job blues. Things have been going wrong. And I'm a perfectionist when it comes to work. No matter what it is. If I deliver pizzas, if I deliver babies. I have to be the best. So to be making mistakes on things that are not completely my fault (seeing as I was never officially trained) is incredibly frustrating. And so another job has presented an opportunity for me. But today I was helping this old man do some family reunion photos on the copy print station, and he made my day. He told me I was the best sales person he'd met, and if there was a tip jar, he'd be leaving a tip. I wanted to hug him. And of course, no one heard it. Except me. And you know, that's all that really matters. We'll see how this other job situation pans out, but today wasn't so hateful.

I read the play you sent me. I had started it a few days ago, but had to go to work. Tonight I sat down and re-read the first couple of pages, getting more and more ideas. So I stopped and got a pencil. And turned it into a screenplay. A fucking amazing screenplay, if I may say. And I get to 66. and I want to stop. I'm crying so hard I call Tosh and wake her up. It's about Rebecca. Explicitly. And I don't want to read anymore. And I don't want to remember. And you wrote about the hospital room. And you're forcing me to see her. And remember everything. The tubes. When a woman thought I was her sister. When the doctors told her parents. Trying to get a hold of you. Saying those words to you. And it's hard to type because I keep wiping my face and my nose and I can barely see the screen. And I hate this moment. Please. Stop it. But it's not about me. So I read on. But it's hard to read with that much liquid in your eyes. And your script is fucking brilliant and I hate you for making me go there. But I don't. Hate is such a strong word. I mean, it was necessary. And it makes everything that much more powerful.

I had forgotten her room number. On purpose.