I had a sex talk with my mom today. Do you know how many things are wrong about that sentence? Damn Oprah Winfrey had a show about it. So I'm telling her about my day--I started my new job and I love it!--and she says, "Do you know what a dental dam is?" Which, actually, I did not. But, ohmygod, what a conversation it spawned. Apparently 12 year olds are giving head now. When I was twelve, I got my first french kiss. It wasn't bad, but I sure as hell was not going to put anything else in my mouth. And I couldn't understand the whole "fingering" concept. I mean, how different was it than putting a tampon in over and over?--which did not sound like something I wanted. Well, five years later I discovered it wasn't so bad. It was nothing like the tampon situation. But at 12!?! Kids these days. Eek, I sound old. And prudish. But for cryin' out loud little ones, don't think you're a virgin if you let him put it up your butt. And she asked about "holding it in your mouth?" "Yeah, have you heard of spitting or swollowing?" "No." I can't believe I explained blow job etiquette to my 55-year-old mother. I think I need therapy.

Speaking of which, I'm a dork and signed up for the mailing list of a hobbit. I'm becoming obsessed with this damn movie and the books. SOMEONE HELP ME!!