Wanna know what makes me violently angry? When I'm driving on the highway in the fast lane behind a person going slow, and the idiot behind me is riding my tail. HELLO!! I can't do anything about the guy in front of me, and you certainly are not helping the situation. I mean, what does he think I'm going to do? Go faster? Plow directly into the slow driver with my bumper to speed him up? Sometimes I just want to shoot people in the face.

Two nights ago, there was a symphony outside. I was driving in my car listening to the first track on Moby's "Play" cd--piano. Ten tiny birds flew in front of me, really low, along with the music. Then I came to a stop sign, looked to the left, and out of the corner of my eye caught a huge sprinkler sweeping water across a yard. All of this was perfectly in sync. It went on like that until the end of the song, and I was overwhelmed with the beauty of it all.

Feeling very melancholy. It's raining. I'm driving home from the folk's--had to drop of a video--a sad song is on the radio. I miss my zha. A lot. It's hard to talk on the phone sometimes. I still look to see if he's in the coffee shop. I wonder what he's doing in a city I've never seen. I wonder what books he's reading. If it's raining there. If he's sad, too. What he's thinking about. What shoes he owns. What his watch looks like. And I pass a bus and can see everyone on the inside. And they all look unhappy. And I wonder what their lives are like. Where is the boy in the red uniform going at 10 at night? Does the old lady with the black bag have a family? And I feel very alone in my car. And my empty apartment. But I feel very connected to these people I'll never know. Hmm. Life is funny, sometimes.

I wish Paul was here.

I'm not sure it's worth it anymore. If The Boy was here this weekend I wouldn't have been able to see him. But he's gone :( , so I don't feel so bad. I'm dreading waking up tomorrow at 6 in the morning on a Saturday and having to stay two hours after we close because it's our six week audit and I have four thousand reports that need to be done. I mean, how long do you stay in it for the money? The good thing that's coming out of this is the fact that it's incredibly motivating to do something about my acting career. At my current job, I can't do anything. This sucks up my life. At the camera store, they would work with me. And I wouldn't think about it when I wasn't there. And I wouldn't have any responsibility. And I wouldn't have any stupid reports. So I'm going to talk to a couple of agents in a couple of weeks (no more days off until September since I'm going to Boston for the wedding), and hopefully something will come of that and I can quit being an assistant manager, and I can go back to being a Processing Specialist. And not have to wear suits.

Below are directions for the wedding next week. I hope I make it. My favorite line is the last one, before she signs her name. Wish me luck. Heather, my wedding gift to you just might be getting there alive. ;) The "You can do it!" is very reassuring.




Alright you kids, I'm trying to make your meeting at the airport next Friday as easy as possible!
Ashley, I understand that you're coming in first. I don't know what airline you're coming in on, but Matt is coming in on a Delta Shuttle Flight. Logan Airport in Boston has five terminals, and each airline has a specific terminal. This means when you get in, you may have to go to another terminal to meet Matt. I will guide you through this process. You can do it.
Delta Shuttles come into Terminal B. Keep in mind that Delta Shuttles are different than Delta in general. Not all of the different kinds of Delta flights (like Delta Express, etc..) come into Terminal B. Be wary of that. If your flight does not come into terminal B, you will need to take a shuttle bus to Terminal B. To do this, follow signs (or ask an airport official) to the shuttle buses that take people to the subway and between terminals. They look like your typical city buses and will have letters on the side. Get on one of the buses that goes between the terminals and then get off at Terminal B. Sounds crazy but it's not that bad, believe me. Just be sure to ask the driver of the bus if it goes to terminal B. The workers are friendly.
Hope this all makes sense. My guess is that once you get into Terminal B and are waiting for matt, you two might have to communicate via cell phones to find out where each other is in the terminal. hell, make pretty signs with each other's names on them. Have a party. Flash the airport. Whatever. ;)
Now, once you two find each other, you now have to get from the airport to the Commander in Cambridge. not a problem. Again, find these official terminal buses. Take any of them except the #11 (that only goes between the terminals and not to the subway station). They stop at the T and drop people off. The T costs $1 per ride, cheap! Get on the T (you'll be on the Blue Line) and go back into Boston. Do not take the T going in the Wonderland direction, that's WRONG.
Get off the T at GOVERNMENT CENTER. Get on the GREEN LINE (you'll have to go upstairs at the T stop) going toward PARK STREET. Do NOT get on a train going to LECHMERE. That's the wrong way.
When you get to PARK STREET (which is the next stop after government center), transfer to the RED LINE (go downstairs) and get on the RED LINE going toward ALEWIFE. Four stops and one nice view of the city later, you will be at the HARVARD SQUARE stop. Once there, follow the directions I just sent you about how to get to our church, because the Commander is RIGHT NEXT to our church on. Phew! For any more T help, check out the map on www.mbta.com, or ask me. I hope that makes sense. Good luck. I think you'll be fine. It sounds more confusing that it is, seriously.

Love you two!
Heather

I'm finally getting my headshots taken care of tomorrow night. It's about damn time.

OK, all of my stuff is up and running again. And I shaved today without cutting out any chunks of skin or lopping off any fingernails. Not too shabby.

I also seem to be having problems with my comments section, but that's the fault of the comments gods. So, whenever that gets back up, I'd appreciate your help.

I seem to be having problems with my archives. Any suggestions? I haven't changed my code and I republished all.

I should not be watching "Copycat" by myself right now. I found out yesterday that Worst Mistake, the only person I have ever actually been afraid of, is now working in a city I frequent. It's been two years, but I remember wondering how he knew I was moving and how he found out where I worked. I had to quit my job because of him.

I used to have nightmares that I would run into him and he would attack me. But I always won.

I probably will not be sleeping tonight.

Even though I have to start getting ready for work in two hours and forty-five minutes, I do not regret the fact that it's 3:30 in the morning. Because I had a fantastic evening. It started when my manager took me out for a drink after a long ass day at work. So, three top-shelf's later I called the boy 'cause there was no legal way for me to get into my car. And we went to Chad's for his birthday, but I stopped drinking. Then we went to W.O.'s and I let a random boy buy me a drink. And the whole time, I kept thinking, "I have to tell Tosh. She'd be so proud I was using someone for something." Not that she's the queen of that, or anything...Anyway, so I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in forever--which was so great. And much fun was had by all. Tosh, of course, took the Bar Slut Award home by not only having the lead singer hit on her in front of everyone there (and dedicating two songs to her--both of which were covers), but also letting one of the DoubleMint Twins (not sure which one) kiss her in front of the girl he came there with. And The Boy was incredibly drunk, which was not only highly entertaining, but also amazingly cute. Yea fer that. But I need to at least attempt to sleep for the next two hours. Yuck.

I came to a sad, pathetic realization last night. I'm whipped.
Crap.
Last night I drove up to see him. I really should have stayed home. I have a bushload of stuff to do here, as well as four thousand errands to run. But, heaven forbid, I can't go one night without seeing him. Someone, please, shoot me in the face.
Oh, and Tosh, we're not talking about slobbin on a noggin. We're talking about good, clean, all American making out. So you can still do him.

Another shaving mishap. I cut off my left pointer finger nail whilst trying to balance on one leg. There is also a small chunk of skin missing from behind my left knee. I just need to give up. Or maybe I just need to watch the entire left side of my body.

So the cop (July 31. For some reason, it's directing you to the wrong post) story. I never really explained that, and it's kind of funny. In a "I-think-I'm-going-to-be-arrested" kinda way. I had been in Troy with The Boy and really wanted to meet zha at the airport. But I should not have been driving. I know, I know, I'm a hypocrite. So, I'm at the airport, but his plane has already landed, and he and zochae are waiting for me where you drop your luggage. Now, you can only park there for one minute, and you have to be loading or unloading your car. But we talk for about five, when a rent-a-cop in a golf cart with a siren from Spencer's on top does a u-turn and pulls up behind me. Crap. So I say bye to the boys and start to get in my car, when this short, balding, mustached cop comes up to me.
"Is this your car?"
Oh, god. Please don't ask me questions where I have to think.
"Sure is." Big fake smile. Sometimes it's really good to be an actress. So at this point I'm completely paranoid and think I'm going to get arrested. My whole life flashes before me. I told The Boy I'd be back in an hour tops, and now I'm going to spend the rest of my life in jail.
Mr. Policeofficer bites his lower lip.
"Hmm. What's your name?"
Crap. Another question where I have to think.
"Ashley. But the car's under my dad's name. Is there a problem?" Please don't let there be a problem. Please don't let there be a problem.
"When's your birthday." GODDAMMIT!! WHY MUST YOU ASK ME QUESTIONS THAT ENTAIL USING MY BRAIN???
"January 23, 1978."
"Hmm." He bites his lower lip again. At this point, I'm positive he knows I'm not in a right state of mind and he's just messing with me until I crack.
"Well," he says, "did you know that your tags expire at the end of this month? Usually you get them renewed on your birthday. But yours isn't until January. That's strange. See, whenever I see a blue sticker, it yells, 'Check me out! Check me out!'" That last part was said in a high-pitched voice.
"Oh, well, my dad takes care of all that stuff. Do you want me to call him and we can figure this thing out?" Oh god, I have to talk to my father like this. Seriously, my life is ending. The earth may as well open up and swallow me because I'm about to have a heart attack. I have never been so paranoid in my ENTIRE LIFE!
"No, no. That's not necessary." Then I realize he's looking me up and down and giving me bedroom eyes. The motherfucker is flirting with me. I can barely remember my name, and now I have to be polite to a cop so as not to piss him off, even though he completely repulses me. And all I want to do is go back to Troy. Where it's safe.

So we have a conversation, where I'm trying to be friendly, in a not-leading-him-on kinda way. I'm also trying to have intelligent responses to his questions. So as not to lead him on to my mental state of mind. And finally, 20 minutes later, he lets me go. Not before saying, "So if you're ever around and you need some assistance, completely professional, of course, you know where to find me." Then he goes on for another 10 minutes describing exactly what type of assistance he can provide. I want to vomit at this point. And then die. And it was so cheesy. I think in his last life, he was a pimp from the 70s who never really knew what he was doing. Dear lord in heaven above, that was one of the worst experiences of my life. Needless to say, I never got arrested. Raped, almost. But arrested, no. I coulda kicked his ass if I needed to, though. I mean, the man came up to my knee caps. Boy, there's nothing like getting hit on my a 35 year-old man who probably lives at home with his mother and she still washes his underwear. My life is now complete.

Um, so read the comments to that last post. I have been enlightened.

OK, kiddies. I sent out a mass email to, like, 60 people, but I bcc'd them all. So, if you are responding to it (and some of you are and I love it!), you have to hit "Reply All", or only I will get your lovely stats. And this is good stuff. (Jason--you make me laugh with your anime obsession.)

Thank you, god, for the girl in my ear, the slug in my path, and the boy in my bed.

I should be tired. I should be in bed. But I'm not. Two hours ago I was almost asleep. Then I got up to watch tv. And I'm almost asleep on the couch. But why is it that when I get into bed, I am not tired at all. Why is my mind racing? I'm not even thinking about anything in particular. I mean, if we'd had a bad week at work, and it was down to the wire and I had to hit goal...that would be different. But we're two thousand over goal. Well, I do have a lot of paper work I have to do, which I'm not looking forward to. I wish I didn't put so many hours in there. And then I go to Columbus. Which will be fun, 'cause I haven't gotten all dressed up and looking hot in a long time. And I get to go out dancing. However, I hate Columbus with all of my heart and soul, and, quite frankly, would rather be hanging out here with The Boy, but I already said I would go. Why is he asleep and I'm wide a-freakin-wake? And did I re-lock my door? And is my alarm set? I should be in bed. I should be unconscious. There are mafia people to kickbox. I have a really long weekend ahead of me. And I won't get to see The Boy until mid-next week.
:(
My neighbors upstairs are making so much noise I want to punch them in the face. AARRGGHH!! If I could figure out why I'm awake, then I could deal with it and be done. But I have no idea. It's been a half an hour. Eh, screw it all. I'll just lay down and pretend I'm sleepy. Then maybe my body will figure it out.

What an interesting evening. I'm the type of person who will come get you at three in the morning if you need a ride. Perhaps you are too drunk or too tired. I've had a middle-of-the-night phone call a few times, and I was more than happy to help out. So if you are my friend and are ever in need, please do not hesitate to call. Even if you are The Shmuck. See, everyone always thinks they're being rude, so they never bother. But when Tosha called at 5 a.m. because there was no way in hell she could make it another three feet in her car, I was very happy.
"Where are you?"
"Um, pulling up to your apartment."
So she took a four hour nap before hitting the road again to get ready for a comercial shoot today in a little bit. I ended up going to my swim class this morning. Which I have missed so much! And the ladies missed me, too. And now I'm getting ready to have lunch with my mom. By the way. There's nothing like making out with your boyfriend in his basement with his parents upstairs to make you feel like a dirty slut. I know you know what I mean.

It's one in the morning, and I just finished talking with my girlfriend. She's driving back from an evening in Toledo, and we're talking about our days when she thinks something's wrong with her car. And she's four hours away from home. So she pulls over while I'm on the phone with her, and her tire's flat. Tosha, I love you and I hope you get home safely!

It's interesting just how fast you can fall deeply asleep and have no idea what is going on. My clock said 12:00 when I laid down (which really meant 11:42). 24 minutes later my phone is in my hand. I didn't even realize it had rung, but I'm saying hello. And the only thing on the other end was a beep or two. And the caller id said private, so I'm thinking maybe it's Tosh. Well, it wasn't, and I woke her up by checking. (ps, sorry about that) It's just very surreal to go from kickboxing the mafia to consciousness. And I really don't even remember my phone ringing.

Saw Conan The Destroyer last night with The Boy. Holy crimeny was it funny. And Karen from The Wonder Years was in it. Who writes these movies?!? The dialogue was atrocious. And let's not touch the acting. But, hey, it was 1984 and it's an Arnold movie. What more could you ask for?

Tosh, we are so going to have successful careers.

I'm feeling very introspective and analytical. "Signs" spawned a good theological conversation last night, and I kept thinking about different times in my life when it wasn't a coincidence. And I miss the people I've lost.

Saw Signs last night. Not nearly as scary as Courtney made it out to be. But I am glad she told me when the jumpy-out parts would be. The best thing about the movie, of course, was the Two Towers preview. We were supposed to see Road to Perdition, but it wasn't playing late enough. Over all, though, I think I liked the movie. Then, as we were leaving the theatre, we were looking around at the movie posters, and Tuck Everlasting is coming out this year. Which is incredibly exciting for me because that and Bridge to Terabithia were my two favorite books as a kid. Yea for movies!

Went to the movies last night with Tosh. The first preview was nothing exciting, and as it was drawing to an end, I kept saying, "Two Towers. Two Towers. Two Towers." And I won. That was the next preview they showed. And I was peeing my pants the whole time. Could I be any more of a nerd? And I wish zha and Suzanne were here so I could watch it with them. Who knows, maybe I'll drive 8 hours and drag them to the theatre. Especially Suzanne, seeing as I told her an eight hour story about Legolas and the elves on New Year's Eve. But it was rediculous how excited I was to see that preview. I don't know if it's physically possible for me to wait four more months. And when it was finished, I leaned over to Tosh and said, "You do realize this is how I will be the entire three hours." And she giggled. But she just finished the second Harry Potter book and can't wait for that movie. So now I think she actually knows how I feel. Then the movie starts. Austin Powers. And I don't think I've ever laughed that hard in a theatre. Towards the end there's a take-off on LOTR. The part when Frodo is stabbed and has recovered and is hugging his friends in slow motion. Yeah, they do that. It was so funny. They did a take-off from I am Sam and there were a thousand famous people in it. Including the Osbourne's. Gotta love Mike Meyers. Holy crap, it was funny.

If this does not at least make you smile, then you and I would not get along.

This is shaping up to be a damn good day. I stayed up late and watched one of my favorite movies with one of my favorite people. Then I got to sleep in 'cause it's my day off. Then I spilled some water on my computer desk, and as I lifted my printer up to wipe under it, I found a five dollar bill. Plus, in three hours I will be getting a massage. And yesterday, my very favorite Saved By The Bell episode was on (Jessie's Song). Jessie gets addicted to caffeine pills, not sleeping pills.

Sadly, this is who I match up with. I think the only thing we have in common is the name.

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

Normally I do not enjoy being awakened at 2:30 in the morning. Two nights ago, however, it was quite funny. Tosh calls to tell me she is "highly inebriated". There was a going away party at some bar for a chick I know that I missed because I had to be up at 6:15 to get ready for work. But she went. And decided it would be a good idea to enter the hot bods contest. (which she lost, but only because the tramp who won knew all of the judges. well, that and the fact that she fell off the stage and now has a bruise that goes from her knee to her hip) But anyway, she called my cell the next morning and sounded like she had been run over by a truck. And said I should have gone because I would have stopped her. Tosh, my love, you know me better than that. I so would have helped you with your dance routine. And she sang "I love rock 'n roll" in honor of myself and Brittney Spears. Damn my job. I would have paid money to see that. Dammit all to hell.