Update on my gig:

The director called me today to see if I had any questions. I asked what I should wear, b/c the email wasn't too specific. Well, it turns out I'm going to be a streetwalker.

I can't wait to call my dad!

Awesomeness:

I was just cast in a police training video. My first paying gig of the year!

A couple of weeks ago I sort of started working out again. I wanted to get in the habit of doing something every day, even if it was small like swimming for 30 minutes. But I wasn't sticking to the "every day" part of my bargain. Well, now I have a focus, reason, and goal: I'm going to LA in 3 weeks!!!

I try to take workshops that I think will benefit me when they come up. In fact, tomorrow I'm taking one with Darlene Wyatt. So I get this email from a list I'm on (HelenWheels), and it's for a workshop with a casting director. The price (which is cheaper than some workshops I've seen that were in PHX) includes airfare, one night @ a hotel, transportation, dinner, a tour of Warner Brothers Studios, and a taping of "Joey". I am so excited!! I won't get to see zha or Caroline or Amanda or Joe or anyone I know who lives there, but I'll get to take a killer workshop and watch a sitcom being taped. To get that kind of behind-the-scenes look is going to be great!

And the upside of all of this is spending every day at my gym. Where there is an obscene amount of hot guys. So, although I may be cursing the elliptical and shaking my head at the 50 yr-old women with 10% body fat and huge fake boobs, the scenery will be nice.

Movie Review: Crash

Holy crap, am I emotionally exhausted! Everything about this film was solid. The story, the acting, the directing, the script. But I spent the last half of the film in tears of one form or another. Nothing like Dancer in the Dark sobbing, but crying all the same. And it wasn't necessarily sad, just really really depressing.

To say the movie is about racism would be missing the point. It's about relationships and how we interact. How our upbringing and our circumstances affect how we connect with people. It's beautiful and ugly at the same time.

***SPOILER ALERT***

OK, so it's not really a spoiler, but it was a complete shock to me. So if I was reading this blog and hadn't seen the movie yet, I would not want to know this bit of information. My favorite scene was between Dist. Atty. Rick Cabot and Karen, played by Brendan Fraser and Nona Gaye. It was at the end when he was on the phone with his wife, played by Sandra Bullock. As he's getting off the phone, he says "I love you, see you in 20 minutes", but he's looking at Karen. He gets on the elevator and she stays behind to wait for the next one. In that moment of no speaking, just exchanged glances, the audience realizes they're having an affair. That he was going to go some place with her, but because of what happend to Jean, he had to go home. It is never spoken of or alluded to, except in that split second. Spectacular! It makes me want to go back and watch all of their scenes to see if I can spot any hints.

I highly recommend this film. Just be aware that it's intense. Or maybe that was just the mood I was in--everything devastated me. Molly is going to watch it, so I will report back on how she felt, in case it's not just me.

I lived in 4 places last year.

ugh

I just opened perhaps the most thoughtful gift I've ever received. First, the t-shirt. I was the tetherball queen in my elementary school. As a third grader I was slaughtering the fourth grade boys. Tonight at rehearsal I even made a tetherball reference. So I got a blue (my favorite color) shirt with a tetherball pole that says, "Wanna play me?" Rock on!

Next, the Lego person. As a kid I used to lock myself in the guestroom for hours and listen to music and put Legos together. The more complex, the better. As an adult, one of my dad's favorite stories to tell was when he helped me put together a rediculous computer desk. He took one look at the (literally) 200 page instruction manual and felt completely hopeless. I looked at it and said, "Oh, this is just like Legos!" I blew his mind that day. The other thing I love is Buffy. I am now the proud owner of a Buffy Lego person. I was showing Molly, and she asked when they started making Lego Buffys. No, this was hand-made. The hair was totally painted, the lips were painted, even the little stakes were carved.

I am so lucky. As silly and as small as these gifts may seem, they are so stinkin' thoughful! And my favorite ones to date. They even make up for the fact that I *still* don't own season 7. Which, if you know me, is saying something huge.

MySpace Unites

Went out to dinner Saturday night. Paul was telling me about some chick he met on MySpace, and our waiter overheard part of the conversation.

"Are you guys talking about MySpace?"
"Yep."
He laughs.
"Why, are you on it?"
As he's walking away, shaking his head: "It's addicting, it's rediculous, and, yes, I'm on it."

******

Oh, and seeing as I haven't gushed about the fabulous weather here lately, today was beautiful. Warm...sunny...perfect. I heart AZ!

Arrgh!!

I left the 10 yr old party early last night b/c I thought I had a workshop today. Turns out it's next week. I am a doofus. Oh well, at least now I can go back to bed for a bit.

P.S. Hagrid, I hope you're okay and you didn't come b/c you were tired and not b/c you got in a car wreck and are lying dead in a ditch somewhere. That would be sad and I would miss you.

I officially smell like all things fried.

P.S. Bob Fischer
(hope I spelled that right)

I have been going through some old papers, and I came across a piece of writing I did back in 2001. In some ways, I feel the same. Which is depressing. I guess I thought life would be different. But it's funny how cyclical it is. In the 2001 post I talk about leaving Ohio. Now, (in a few months) I'm leaving Arizona. The nice part about it, though, is that the last line is still the same.

06.03.2001

There's something debilitating about pain. Sometimes you want help; you want comfort. Other times you want to be left alone. Except you never really know which time is which. You could be in the middle of a conversation with someone, and all of the sudden, you decide you need to stop talking. And you wonder how that other person feels. Are you jerking them around? Do they mind that you need them and you don't at the same time? So how do you solve this dilemma? Hide it. Smile. No one is the wiser, but you. Then one day, you're driving in your car and you start crying. And you have no idea why. Or maybe you're watching a show, and someone says something that reminds you of a sadness from years ago, and you can't watch anymore. It sneaks up on you. That is the most frustrating. You can't control the pain. You can ignore it. You can repress it. But it is stronger than you give it credit. It will eventually float to the surface. Sometimes you welcome it. You wrap it around you like an old blanket fresh from the dryer. You get lost. You suffocate.

I have found something I like even less than pain. Loneliness. I'm not sure when it crept into my life. I'm surrounded by people all the time, but I feel so completely alone. I see the way certain people interact, and I'm jealous that I'm not in that situation. I didn't realize how alone I felt until this weekend. I'm in a show, and I've been growing closer with two of my castmates. They are pretty much the same person. Meaning, they do everything together. They know where the other is at all times, etc. This weekend, they invited me to a party, which I ended up not being able to attend. Their invitation struck me so hard. It meant a lot, especially from those two, who rarely let anyone in. But I graduate in a week, and that's that. Sure we can keep in touch, but we all have our busy lives. Sarah is filming a movie, and Tosh is working all the time to earn money to move to another state. We've been in classes together for four years, and one week before we all go our separate ways we come together. In December, I'm moving to the other side of the country. I'm leaving my best friend. I'm leaving my family. I'm moving to a state where I will know only a handful of people. Yes, I will adjust quickly. Yes, I will make new friends. That's what I do best. But there's something completely terrifying about leaving behind everything you've been familiar with your entire life.

What keeps my head above water? Boundless hope.

Movie Review: House of Flying Daggers

I did not like this movie. Yes, there were some beautiful scenes (The Echo Game), but the story was LAME. And it was by the same guy who did Hero, which I LOVE with all my heart and soul (go see that movie. it rocks). Hero was more visually gorgeous and had a much better story. HoFD had a crappy story. And the end all of the sudden there's snow. I watched the DVD extras and they got this huge snow storm and it would have cost too much and taken too much time to melt it all. So they just filmed this final fight scene with the fist half in an open field in fall, then with snow. And they digitally added the storm, which looked really fake. I was so mad when the movie ended. I watched the last hour with Molly, and when a scene faded to black, my exact words were:

"Please don't let this be the end of the movie."

The credits began to roll. I groaned. It was sort of a love triangle story, but there wasn't enough character development. I didn't care about any of them. And you don't even know it's supposed to be a love triangle story until the dumb movie ends and there's nothing else. "Oh, so I guess this isn't about the resistance or overthrowing an evil ruler, which is what it seemed going into it."

Grr. Grr I say.

Movie Review: The Machinist

The use of imagery and themes in this movie is unlike anything else I've ever seen.

Uh-MAY-zing.

I am an improv snob. I only want to do scenes with Jeff Watson. I feel very real when I play with him. Like I'm not doing a scene, I just am that person. I have actually felt this way about Jeff Watson for a long time. Today it was a grandfather/granddaughter scene. Once it was a husband and wife living in the woods. I just really connect with him.

On the other end of the spectrum, I can't to a scene with Daren Webb to save my life. Tonight for some reason, we did an abnormal amount of scenes together and I just could not stop laughing. That guy is superfunny. The last one we did (I wanted quiet, he wanted sexy time), we just gave up and gave in to the laughter. It was very non-productive. But I did learn that I can never do scenes with Daren Webb, unless my character has a disorder where she laughs all the time.

Hey, it's my sister's birthday! She's 24.

Movie Review: Adaptation

I want to study this movie. I want to meet Charlie Kaufman. Spike Jonze is fantastic. (side note--I just watched Sliding Doors Thursday, and realized I was watching two SJ movies in a row. The style is similar.) OK, so this movie is brilliant. I suggest watching it twice in a row. It's a fictionalized account of Charlie Kaufman trying to adapt the book, "The Orchard Thief", to a film. I've seen it once before, but it was such a long time ago that I didn't remember most of it. But as I was watching it, there were these lightbulb moments--oh yeah!!--that I remembered feeling the first time around. Very deja vu. For instance, there is a moment where Charlie is speaking into his tape recorder as to how he wants the movie to open, when you realize, THAT'S EXACTLY HOW THE MOVIE OPENED! There is no way to describe the brilliance of this film, so go see it. Kaufman also wrote "Being John Malkovich", "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", and "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind". Jonze directed "Malkovich".

One of my favorite lightbulb moments comes after Robert McKee says, "for God's sake, don't use a deus ex machina!" Then, at the end, Kaufman does! It's one of those realizations where you think: "Holy crap! Kaufman is a genius!" His plots are so complex that they're simple. No, that's not right. His plots aren't complex. Maybe it's his concepts. If you can think of a good way to describe it, please do so.

Bottom line: 5 star film.

From Hagrid yesterday:
"OMG, we have a birthday potluck today, Michelle made a big batch of salsa (with chips I brought). We have enchilada casserole, chili, BBQ pork sandwiches, monkey bread, cake, ARGGGH. I had a croissant with cream cheese, I am a glutton... A GLUTTON! GET BEHIND ME BEAZULBUB FOR I AM IN LINE FIRST AT THE BUFFET!"

I am an auditioning fool! Tomorrow I have my very first ever voice over audtion, which I'm super-pumped about. Then it's a Blimpie's commercial that everyone and their brother will be at because the role is unspecified. But now I have to go to bed so I can get up at 4:45 in the morning.

:(

Not an early riser (points to self)

January 10 came and went and was not special. So I guess the trend is broken.

When I missed a JesterZ rehearsal, I wasn't missing much. At all. But Monday night I missed a Remainders rehearsal, and I wish I could have gone. Two people called and two emailed to give me a break down of what happened, including a ten page play-by-play by Bill Binder. We work on so much, it's amazing. I love this dang troupe! But, unfortunately, I have a busy week and I needed to get some stuff together.

Work is finally calming down. I only have one pile of stuff that was left over from Monday (when they told us to drop everything to do HIP claims), which was left over from Friday (because I didn't have enough time to finish the letters and claim forms). But today things should be better.

Oh, I'm going to audition for Taming of the Shrew. I'm not really eligible for casting, as their tech week is right around PIF, but I'm going to audition anyhow. Mainly to get my face out there so they will remember me for the next show. I haven't had to do a monologue in a couple of years, so I'm looking forward to working on that. I miss theater. P.S. There are several male parts available, in case any guys are in the mood for Shrew. I think Matt Higbee is going to be in it. And Faith is Bianca. If anyone wants more details, email me. :)

I feel so great right now! I forgot how much I love working out. Even though I'm running on minimal sleep, I met Kelly @ the gym for a while this afternoon, and I'm really glad I went. Note to self: more exercising, less all-nighters.

This is ridiculous. I am entirely too old for this.

Not sleeping.

What an awesome night! Improv is everywhere! Went to this great workshop way up north, got home just a little while ago. Went over lines for audition tomorrow, getting up in 5 hours. Not the happiest of campers. But tonight was fabulous.

And it's official: no one has more fun than Faith and me. (yes, "me" is grammatically correct)

Wish me luck. I have an audition Thursday and Friday.

(Brief) Movie Review: Bewitched

Going into it, I thought this was going to be a remake of the television show. It wasn't, which was refreshing. I loved Will Ferrell in Elf because he brought this youthful naivete to the role. That purity was in Bewitched; however, there were also times when I felt he was channeling Jim Carey. It was forgivable. Nicole Kidman is quickly solidifying herself as one of my favorite actresses. In Moulin Rouge, the scene in the elephant where she's rolling around on the ground was balls to the walls. She looked ridiculous, but didn't care. Most actresses that I've observed wouldn't be willing to make themselves look like a fool. They would try, but then get embarrassed, and the performance would be fake. But she was 100% committed to Satine, and it showed. Same thing in Bewitched. She really has a talent for comedies, which I guess I find surprising.

The movie is fun. It's not life changing or mind blowing, but it was cute. The performances were great. The effects weren't overwhelming--which they could have been, seeing as this is a movie about a witch. They were used sparingly, and with intent. And (again) I really liked that it wasn't a remake of the TV show. I would definitely watch it again.

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope it was safe and wonderful!