I'm having mixed emotions about my move. I know it's another 6 months away, but things have been changing quickly. I've become close with some people from JesterZ and work. For the first time in 2 years I feel like I have genuine friends. I've found a place where I belong. And I'm going to leave that. To move to a place that is infamous for shallow users. I think that's one of the reasons why I was too scared to move there in the first place. I'm glad I came to Phoenix first. I had to find myself and become solid before I moved on. But now the move is really starting to scare me.

I've tried to type this next sentence eight different times, but I don't know how. I can't put into words what I'm feeling. When I was in OH I was a hermit and only had a couple of close friends. I never went out or did anything. The one person I cared about the most made the move with me, so I never really left anything behind. But now I go out, I have fun, I'm doing things, I'm building relationships. I want to revert to my hermitness, but I realize that would only be to protect myself. To build a wall again. So that when I leave I won't miss anyone and no one will miss me.

Life hurts. I can't run away from that. I can't run. I can't.