It's been 24 hours and both the dog and I are still alive. I think my freaking out is done. This morning my dad, Faith, my mom, and Lindsay all called to check up on me. My dad and Faith are on Team Give Dog Back. My mom and Lindsay are on Team Keep Him. I'm gonna give it at least a week. I was able to stop him from pooping on my carpet and we went outside. Which was good. In the rain (which was not so good). He hates being dried off with a towel--growls and snaps--but he's doing fine with a rag. At the moment he's asleep on the couch. I let him out of his crate this morning, and we played for a bit, then he decided to nap. A lot of my guilt was centered around having to keep him crated at all times.

I was able to get a lot of work done today, and I am planning on doing more tonight. Lindsay has a dog, and she's had him since he was about 8 weeks. So, she knows all about the horrors of puppy training. And she reminded me that I rent; I don't own. She owns her condo and would get so mad when Sass would go inside. As long as he doesn't ruin my furniture, I will be able to move away from the dirty carpet. Although, I've decided to board him over night once a month so I can steam clean my carpets.

I'm much calmer now. Mainly due to talking about it all day, and hearing reassurances from my sister. Who knew?

Today is not getting much better. My dad called this morning to see how I was doing. Not that great. Both he and Faith said I should think about taking the dog back. I just feel like I'm being completely irresponsible about the whole thing. People take dogs back to shelters all the time because they didn't do enough research. Taking care of Baxter and Bridgette was so easy. But they were older and both fixed. I have to keep The Professor under constant supervision, or he'll mark.

I'm just really frustrated with myself. All of the reading I've done stresses research. Make sure you have a breed appropriate for you. Make sure you have an age appropriate for you. Make sure you have an energy level appropriate for you. Don't get a dog on impulse. I had all of this figured out. A corgi would suit me just fine. They're pretty sedentary, but enjoy walks. But I was having problems finding one in Austin. So I went to this meet'n'greet and fell in love with this chihuahua mix. And, on an impulse, adopted him. He's against everything I had planned for. He's a puppy. He's not fixed. He has way too much energy. He's not housebroken.

I have to keep him crated pretty much at all times. When he's out, even if he just peed outside, he'll mark in here. The only time I can work is if he's in his crate. He's doing great in there. He's napping and not whining. I just feel bad because all of the crate training literature I've read says you can't crate a dog all day and all night. But I can't let him out when I work or he goes crazy. And I can't let him out when I sleep or he'll pee everywhere. I had planned on going on an hour walk this morning and an hour walk this afternoon to help alleviate the energy pent up from being confined. Unfortunately, it's raining pretty hard. So I can't take him out. We can play inside, but that gets exhausting for me after 30 minutes.

On Tuesday I have a consultation at Taurus. I have a ton of questions, and I just have to make it through the next few days. They won't take dogs from shelters until they've been in your house for 3 weeks. But as soon as I can, I'm going to drop him off there at least once/week so he can be socialized and have some of that energy drained.

Mainly, I'm really mad at myself on the impulse decision to get this pup. If I'd just put more time and effort into finding a corgi, things would be different. But I'm not gonna give up after just a few hours. If, at the end of the consultation, it turns out this is not a good match, I'll deal with the next step. But I'm really overwhelmed at the moment.

First meltdown of 2010

I have been super stressed out the past week. Last Wednesday I dogsat for a friend who was moving. She also has a cat who was at a different house. There were improvisers coming in from out of town. I originally said I could house two. Then I got the dog and said use me as a last resort. Well, the Cat Girl can't have pets at her apartment, and the cat talked a lot, so the land lord found out, so she came over to my place with the cat on her lunch break on Friday. The cat hates the carry case, so it peed all over itself, then on my carpet. We finally got the cat in the bathroom, and I told Liz to get back to work. Cat got cleaned. Cortnie came over to pick up dog that night b/c she didn't want both animals at the same place. Then I get a call asking to host 2 of the TwinProv people, b/c one more ended up coming down (4 total). I said sure, but I'm catsitting, so if anyone is allergic to cats, no can do. I was secretly hoping they were all deathly allergic. Nope. Friday night: 2 people, one cat that meowed ALL THE TIME.

Saturday morning the other 2 TwinProv people came over b/c the place they were staying had a pipe burst so there was no water. And the heat went out in the middle of the night. They came here to shower/get ready/warm up. I didn't work that day. Saturday night, all 4 plus said cat slept in my tiny 1 br. The next morning, they took me out to breakfast, which was super nice of them. They really weren't any trouble at all, but I just wanted to get some work done this weekend, which I didn't. The cat finally left Monday night. I adopted a dog. I spent all of my free time cleaning my apartment and getting ready. And not working. HUGE guilt about this. I didn't work for an entire week after my fall. I told Marlynn, my manager, that I would processes 300-350 claims/week starting in January. I have not done close to that, and we're half-way through the month. This week I did 200 claims. Next week, I really need to bust my bum.

Also, I like a boy I have no business liking. He has a girlfriend, they're fabulous together, and they clearly adore each other. But it's been hard lately to see them together. And I can't do anything about it. I just have to wait for me to stop liking him. So that's been making me kinda sad as of late.

Today I picked up the dog. They didn't have the papers ready, which means I can't get him fixed yet. He NEEDS to be fixed. Like, ASAP. So, I bring him home with plenty of time before my show tonight. We go on a 40 minute walk, which doesn't really wear him down. Then I introduce him to my apartment. He marks my bathroom. I clean it up. I introduce him to his crate. He's fine with the getting in part. I hop in the shower to get ready. He whines the whole time. The Humane Society woman told me he *never* overturns his water and food. I get out of the shower and both are turned over. Now I'm pressed for time. I let him out and he goes to the door. At first I think he's marking it, so I go over to stop him. But no, he's peeing a nice big puddle. Luckily, he was kind enough to do it on the fake hardwood floor and not the carpet. Much easier to clean up. All of the dog books say take the dog out immediately. I thought he would be fine since it had only been a couple of hours. It's totally my fault he peed inside.

So, I'm standing in my living room, in a robe, literally torn between what to do. I need to clean his crate out; I need to clean the pee up; I need to get ready for my show. I'm completely overwhelmed and pacing trying to figure out where to begin when I accept the fact that I will not be performing tonight. I have to call the director 2.5 hours before the show starts and tell him I can't make it. I am *not* like this at all. I do not bail on shows. But there was no way I would make it through the show without crying. So I call and leave a message, holding back tears, hoping he can't tell I'm a big baby.

As soon as I get off the phone, I put the dog back in the cage with water and food and sit down on my couch and call Faith. I ball my eyes out to her over everything. The stress of the animal-sitting. The stress of 4 people in my apartment, the stress of the dog, the sadness of yet another unrequited crush. After the crying, I put on sweats and take the dog outside for an hour walk, to try to wear him down more. My parents call, and I end up crying on the phone with them. I don't cry often, but man, when I do...

We come back and I play with him for about 2 hours. I've found I can shut him in the bathroom pretty successfully. I did that while I cleaned out his crate. He likes his bed, so I was able to put that in the crate, which is where he is now. I know today was a big day for him. It'll take a while for him to get settled in. It'll take even longer for him to stop marking b/c he's not fixed. Even though it's only a little after 9pm, I'm going to bed. I have to get up at 5:30 to take him out to pee, then for a short walk. I need to work, so unfortunately he's gonna have to stay in his crate or in the bathroom. I'm more inclined to keep him in the crate, knowing that he won't pee in there. But he whined in there and he didn't whine in the bathroom.

So, my plan for tomorrow is a 20 minute walk in the early morning, then breakfast and crating him for 3 hours while I work. Then an hour walk in the late morning, followed by some playing in the house. Then crating him for another 3 hours. Then an hour walk in the evening after dinner. We'll try free play around the apartment for a while. I just have to constantly follow him to make sure he isn't marking anything. I'm really frustrated that the paperwork wasn't ready for me. I really want to get him into a vet. But, I just gotta work with what I have.

Deep breath.

It will be okay.

Holy cats, Biggest Loser! I don't know if it's just that I'm in a weird emotional place or what, but that first episode was brutal. I mean, I *knew* there would be a twist with the people going home, but they were SO SAD! And they had to drag that mom off the bike--she didn't want to stop! My favorite so far is Mike from Chicago. Put an Italian man in front of me who has self esteem issues but isn't ashamed to talk about them, and I melt. LOVE this show!

People for whom I have a ton of improv respect are seeking me out to coach them. This is pretty bad ass.

FIRST POST OF 2010

Kinda wish I had earth shattering realizations to throw at your cerebral cortex. Nope. Had my appointment with the knee specialist and he's 99% sure I won't need surgery. I can't straighten my leg completely, so we have a follow up in 2 weeks. If I STILL can't straighten it then, we'll do an MRI to see if anything is torn and thus preventing my leg from straightening. But he doesn't think that'll be the case. Time heals all wounds. Even the stupid, self-imposed ones by people who have NO BUSINESS on rollerblades.

I'm cuddling up to Austin Improv. Escape Hatch has shows on Sundays in January. I'm TAing Level 2 with Ratliff and working with him Wednesdays at a high school. I get to be the Stool Pigeon on my birthday, so I will tell birthday-related stories. Faith will be in town that weekend, and I CAN'T WAIT! We're going shopping and having tea and she'll get to meet all of the people I talk about all the time. This Saturday I'm going to look at dogs, so hopefully I'll have one before she gets here. Oh, and Faith decided to stop drinking. We'll see if that extends to birthday weekends.

Next week I'm going to start doing light cardio as per OKd by the knee guy. I'm basically waiting for my rib to get better before I start with the personal training. Currently, I am still crying out in pain every time I sneeze. Literally. That action hurts like a monster. I'm anxious to start training with Jenny again. She was amazing! Plus, I'm supposed to do a photoshoot with Michelle in April, and I need to look decent for that. Mainly, I just want to be healthy. I'm starting 2010 at the heaviest I've been since That One Time In College. I'd like to end this year in the shape I was That Other Time In College--when my legs looked like they belonged on a ice skater.

The day after I fell, Cortnie, Steve, Matt, and Brian all came up to my place to hang out since I was an invalid. That was Christmas Eve, and I can't even express how much that meant to me. I had been feeling pretty sorry for myself--first ever Christmas without family in my life, in massive amounts of pain, blahblahblah--but I didn't want to be a bother and see what everyone was up to. I figured Steve might hang out with his lady, Cortnie and I had already texted that day and I didn't want to bug her again, Brian has no phone. So that left Matt. His gf is out of state, so I knew he would be by himself that night. I was literally *just* wondering what he was doing, thinking it would be too late to call, when my phone rang. It was Matt. Cortnie had told the boys my genius move, so they made the trip up. It was beyond great. They also came over Christmas Day around 5pm. My rib hurt a TON, even with narcotics, but I can't remember a time I've laughed more.

I decided a few months ago that Brian would be my closest guy friend in Austin. He joins the ranks of Ben in Cali and Jose in PHX. His girlfriend is Sandra, who became my own personal hero after singing backup for Fred at the ColdTowne Office Party. Seriously, I love that girl. His good taste in women makes me like him even more. We've been hanging out a decent amount partly b/c of my fall and partly b/c he has nothing better to do since Sandra is out of town. But she returns this weekend and I have to give him back. Sometimes it sucks being the only single person in your group of friends. Matt's gf is out of state, but she's moving to Austin this month. I can't remember a time I've been friends with this many couples.

And it made me think of when Ben started dating Celeste. Again, another girl I love, and am super glad they are together still! But we used to hang out all the time. iO and Sunday morning movies and Biggest Loser and Lost and walks and ice cream and yelling at people in traffic and gym time. Although I was thrilled he found someone who made (and still makes) him happy (because I LOVE that guy!), I also missed my friend. That's kinda Brian on a smaller scale. Ben and I had been hanging out solidly for almost a year. Brian and I have been giving each other crap for several months, but really only started hanging out the past couple of weeks. I'm just being stupid and selfish, but come on! There is NO ONE better to watch Jersey Shore with than an actual person *from* New Jersey.

Trust.