First meltdown of 2010

I have been super stressed out the past week. Last Wednesday I dogsat for a friend who was moving. She also has a cat who was at a different house. There were improvisers coming in from out of town. I originally said I could house two. Then I got the dog and said use me as a last resort. Well, the Cat Girl can't have pets at her apartment, and the cat talked a lot, so the land lord found out, so she came over to my place with the cat on her lunch break on Friday. The cat hates the carry case, so it peed all over itself, then on my carpet. We finally got the cat in the bathroom, and I told Liz to get back to work. Cat got cleaned. Cortnie came over to pick up dog that night b/c she didn't want both animals at the same place. Then I get a call asking to host 2 of the TwinProv people, b/c one more ended up coming down (4 total). I said sure, but I'm catsitting, so if anyone is allergic to cats, no can do. I was secretly hoping they were all deathly allergic. Nope. Friday night: 2 people, one cat that meowed ALL THE TIME.

Saturday morning the other 2 TwinProv people came over b/c the place they were staying had a pipe burst so there was no water. And the heat went out in the middle of the night. They came here to shower/get ready/warm up. I didn't work that day. Saturday night, all 4 plus said cat slept in my tiny 1 br. The next morning, they took me out to breakfast, which was super nice of them. They really weren't any trouble at all, but I just wanted to get some work done this weekend, which I didn't. The cat finally left Monday night. I adopted a dog. I spent all of my free time cleaning my apartment and getting ready. And not working. HUGE guilt about this. I didn't work for an entire week after my fall. I told Marlynn, my manager, that I would processes 300-350 claims/week starting in January. I have not done close to that, and we're half-way through the month. This week I did 200 claims. Next week, I really need to bust my bum.

Also, I like a boy I have no business liking. He has a girlfriend, they're fabulous together, and they clearly adore each other. But it's been hard lately to see them together. And I can't do anything about it. I just have to wait for me to stop liking him. So that's been making me kinda sad as of late.

Today I picked up the dog. They didn't have the papers ready, which means I can't get him fixed yet. He NEEDS to be fixed. Like, ASAP. So, I bring him home with plenty of time before my show tonight. We go on a 40 minute walk, which doesn't really wear him down. Then I introduce him to my apartment. He marks my bathroom. I clean it up. I introduce him to his crate. He's fine with the getting in part. I hop in the shower to get ready. He whines the whole time. The Humane Society woman told me he *never* overturns his water and food. I get out of the shower and both are turned over. Now I'm pressed for time. I let him out and he goes to the door. At first I think he's marking it, so I go over to stop him. But no, he's peeing a nice big puddle. Luckily, he was kind enough to do it on the fake hardwood floor and not the carpet. Much easier to clean up. All of the dog books say take the dog out immediately. I thought he would be fine since it had only been a couple of hours. It's totally my fault he peed inside.

So, I'm standing in my living room, in a robe, literally torn between what to do. I need to clean his crate out; I need to clean the pee up; I need to get ready for my show. I'm completely overwhelmed and pacing trying to figure out where to begin when I accept the fact that I will not be performing tonight. I have to call the director 2.5 hours before the show starts and tell him I can't make it. I am *not* like this at all. I do not bail on shows. But there was no way I would make it through the show without crying. So I call and leave a message, holding back tears, hoping he can't tell I'm a big baby.

As soon as I get off the phone, I put the dog back in the cage with water and food and sit down on my couch and call Faith. I ball my eyes out to her over everything. The stress of the animal-sitting. The stress of 4 people in my apartment, the stress of the dog, the sadness of yet another unrequited crush. After the crying, I put on sweats and take the dog outside for an hour walk, to try to wear him down more. My parents call, and I end up crying on the phone with them. I don't cry often, but man, when I do...

We come back and I play with him for about 2 hours. I've found I can shut him in the bathroom pretty successfully. I did that while I cleaned out his crate. He likes his bed, so I was able to put that in the crate, which is where he is now. I know today was a big day for him. It'll take a while for him to get settled in. It'll take even longer for him to stop marking b/c he's not fixed. Even though it's only a little after 9pm, I'm going to bed. I have to get up at 5:30 to take him out to pee, then for a short walk. I need to work, so unfortunately he's gonna have to stay in his crate or in the bathroom. I'm more inclined to keep him in the crate, knowing that he won't pee in there. But he whined in there and he didn't whine in the bathroom.

So, my plan for tomorrow is a 20 minute walk in the early morning, then breakfast and crating him for 3 hours while I work. Then an hour walk in the late morning, followed by some playing in the house. Then crating him for another 3 hours. Then an hour walk in the evening after dinner. We'll try free play around the apartment for a while. I just have to constantly follow him to make sure he isn't marking anything. I'm really frustrated that the paperwork wasn't ready for me. I really want to get him into a vet. But, I just gotta work with what I have.

Deep breath.

It will be okay.