Sunday, July 12, 2009

Tonight I saw The Proposal. It was really good. I'm a fan of both Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds, and the two of them in a movie together made me very happy. Mary Steenburgen has had some bad plastic surgery. Her mouth is pulled into a frown when she's not engaging her face.

That is not the point. The point is, this movie made me realize that I actually do feel very lonely sometimes, which made me connect with the main character in a way I wasn't expecting. I have made a conscious choice to be single. LA isn't exactly the best place for serious relationships, and I'm not dating casually anymore. That was for my twenties. I'm in my thirties now, and would eventually like to get married. I have to admit, that's part of the reason behind my move. Guys in their 30s in LA are career focused, as they should be. LA isn't a place people come to fall in love. It's a place they come to work.

I'm in an improv competition currently. JD Walsh is The Man In Charge. We have a workshop every week, which I find immensely helpful. I haven't been on a team with a coach this entire year. I really appreciate the feedback I'm getting from him. One of the things he said recently was to treat the improv scenes the way you would in front of a casting director. That this work should help our auditions for whatever else we do. Well, I don't do anything else. I just really like improv, and want to focus on that.

So, all that being said, LA isn't the place for me. The workshop with JD sort of underlined that fact.

I miss being in love. I miss having someone in my life. And this stupid little romantic comedy made me aware of that in ways I wasn't cognizant. Some of the thing she said about forgetting what it's like to have a family...I understood. My family is sparse and spread across the country. Cousin in San Diego. Aunt & Uncle in Peoria. Sister in Tempe. Parents in Ohio. I'm moving to Austin. There was a scene when Andrew puts his arms around Margaret to warm her up after she'd fallen in some water, and my heart hurt for a second. It really surprised me.

I'm a cuddler. I love holding hands or snuggling and watching tv. I haven't had that in a very long time. It made me miss Foxy Boy a tiny bit. Not that he was ever into that stuff, but if I wanted to go out and grab a drink or see a movie, I could call him. Sometimes it's just nice to be around a member of the opposite sex, even if you're just friends. If I boil it down, I think what I miss most is being that comfortable around a guy.

I work at home. I live at home. I have to make a conscious effort to go out and be around people. The Margaret Tate character was very much a work-o-holic with no personal life. I don't work that much, but I certainly don't go into an office every day and have the opportunity to be around other people.

I'm nervous and anxious for this move. I'm ready to be out of LA and live by myself. I'm also very self sufficient and happy with my life. But watching this silly little movie tonight made me connect with a part that I suppose I've tucked away. I guess I'm just the type of person who needs human contact, and I've been sorely lacking in that department as of late.

It's interesting when art reflects life.


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