Thursday, December 10, 2009

I've been up for 2 hours. I need to be working. Instead? Going through old pics on my flickr account and missing the crap out of my friends. Although I wasn't a fan of LA proper, I knew some amazing people. Austin is great, but it's still really lonely at times. It's an adjustment to live by myself again. I haven't lived alone in almost 7 years.

I went through birthday photos and iO photos. I remembered the overflowing amounts of fun that was had. I remember laughing so hard at the Lonely Drew set that it was hard to take the pictures. I miss going to the beach with Buol and Sunday morning movies with Ben and dessert with Stef and amazing seats at Dodgers games with Jil and laughing with Jenn and plopping on Faith's bed whenever I was bored or singing in our cars at the tops of our lungs. I miss shows and parties at iO. I miss performing with T&A and Nugefield.

Sometimes I feel like there's a hole in my heart and it's overwhelming. I'm definitely more social in Austin, now that I'm all settled in. But it's just different. It's not familiar yet. I'm still learning where everything is and how to get around. I can't remember what it was like when I first moved to LA. I'm sure it was the same. My least favorite part about moving is having to learn everything all over again. I specifically remember a day when I was driving my usual route home from iO in the middle of the night. I smiled and looked around and thought, "This is my neighborhood. This is where I live." That was after a year of living there. I've only been in ATX for a little over 4 months. It's not home yet. It's definitely becoming home, but I'm such an instant gratification person and I'm having a hard time being patient. But Austin has fun picnic table conversations and late night food after shows and hanging out at the theater putting up Christmas decorations.

At the Oh, Science! debut on Sunday, I was filled with so much love for the Austin improv community. After their first show, the troupe sat on the stage and everyone gave speeches and they got presents and people said such fantastic things. *That's* what drew me to Austin. *That's* the reason I moved here. And I've been doing decent work in the shows I've had. So, in many ways, I'm completely fulfilled. It's just easy to forget that stuff when you wake up to a cold, silent apartment. When you can hear life above and below you, but in your room there is darkness and quiet.

I guess I'm realizing the hardest part is being alone. I'm such a physical contact person. Living with Faith and Drew...there was always a hug or conversation whenever you wanted one. Faith and I would watch TV on the green loveseat and share a blanket. Sometimes we would read together in her bed. Just being around another person is great. I thought I would love living alone. And I do...to an extent. But working from home and not having a roommate leads to isolation. I look forward to rehearsals and shows and hanging out time much more than a normal person.

Ugh. Today I am sad. If you see me, please give me a hug.


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