I wasn't even going to post. I was just going to go straight to bed. But as I walked away from my triple-locked door with a dopey grin on my face, I passed two pictures I had set out. To make copies of. And I still can't believe this is real. I can't believe the boy I had a crush on last summer is gone. I cried in the shower this morning. And at work. They let me leave early. This whole thing just makes me so sad. All I could think about this morning was the cruise. My sister and I went snorkeling at Champagne Reef, and it was just like in the geology books. I saw the shelf drop off. I remember swimming to the edge and looking down into a hundred feet of nothingness, and I felt the tug of the ocean. And it scared me, so I swam back towards the shallow area. But it was incredibly difficult, even though I'm a great swimmer. And I wonder if that's what Aaron felt. But he couldn't swim back. The river was too strong.
Dammit.
I'm sick of crying. And I had such a wonderful time with The Boy tonight. We watched Goodfellas and I completely forgot about the outside world. And I just wanted my night to end like that. To say goodbye and go to sleep and look forward to seeing him for lunch tomorrow. But instead I pass a couple of photos. And I remember, Everything.