I saw Hottie Pete the Space Cowboy tonight. Actually, I called him Saturday and left a message saying he and Aaron, his Ricky Martin lookalike roommate, should come over 'cause I'm having a small gathering. And he called me back at one in the morning and said we should get together soon. So I met him at the coffee shop tonight. He was sitting outside, but to get there, you have to walk indoors. Melissa was there, so I chatted with her for a bit. And somehow, I mentioned I hadn't see Aaron in forever.

"Oh, I wouldn't mention him around Pete."
"Why, are they in a fight or something."
"Wow, you don't know."
"Geez, did he die or something?"

He's. Fucking. Dead.

And I thought, this can't be real. She's kidding. She's playing the sickest goddamn joke in the world on me. TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING. But she wasn't, and I had to sit down with Pete like nothing happened. I couldn't even process it. My friend is dead, but I can't grieve because I need to be strong. So Pete and I chat for a bit, then he looks up and says, "I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to tell you." And I said I knew. That Melissa had just told me. That's why it took me five minutes to walk through the coffee shop. And we talked for a long time. And it was really good. And next week we're making dinner together. As soon as I dropped him at his place, the tears came. So I called Tosh. When I got home, I looked through my pictures. I'm going to Click to make copies to give to Pete. And I cried. Until my eyes hurt. And I remembered the last time I saw Aaron. He was stationed in Iraq for a while, so I hadn't seen him. Then, one day, walking to my car, I passed the OE, and he and Pete were eating. So I stopped and chatted for a long time. And got two really great hugs from him. And a week or two later, he was gone. I'm really glad I saw him that night. I'm really glad.

But at the moment I need to go digest what I've been told.

And cry for a really long time.