The person upstairs may not be a guy. The other day I was coming home and there was a black woman unlocking the door. I always pictured a skinny white male with scraggly black hair and a dirty beard. But I didn't actually talk to her. I avoid my neighbors. I've lived here over a year, and have no idea who's behind the other three doors. And I'd like to keep it that way. So when I saw this woman entering upstairs, I made sure to avert my eyes so as to make no contact. Just thought you should know. From now on, the situation will be referred to Person Upstairs, or PU. (for short) What has been going on recently? Let's see...Saturday night zha came over and we cooked dinner and watched The Negotiator. Excellent film, btw. At one point, it sounded like she was picking up her furniture and dropping it. And I looked up and said, "Is that really necessary?" Thud. I guess so. This morning at 7, I was awakened once again. She decided to get her bowling ball out and drop it a few times. And last week--this is the thing that started me on the whole PU rampage--she freaked me out with my shower schedule. I got up one day at 8 to take a shower because I had to be in to work early. And I hear the water running. We can't take a shower at the same time because of the hot water. I have to wait. Which makes me late because the way I run my mornings is: get up at the last possible minute. I had to take a warm shower (I like them hot) in five minutes (I like them long), which did not make me happy (eek, my parenthases (how the hell do you spell the plural for "( )"?) sounded sexual--did not intend them to). So the next day I don't have to be into work until 1. Which means I don't need to be in the shower until noon. So I'm getting my towel and washcloth together and I hear her get in. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? Is this on purpose? I just want to bathe and go to work. Why can't you hammer things at this time instead of the middle of the night. Take your showers then, lady! OK. I feel better.

P.S. Saturday night I added two and a half garlic cloves to my Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Spirals. And today I'm glad I live alone.