Saturday, May 01, 2010

April was not a good month for my friends in relationships. Lindsay and Chris called it quits for the last time. He's moving to Spain for a while. Then, a few days ago I'd noticed the wife of a friend of mine posting FB status updates like, "I found an apartment." So I emailed my friend questioning the use of "I" instead of "we" and found out they're divorcing. This morning I woke up to an email from a close girlfriend of mine letting me know that she and her boyfriend broke up *and* her father passed. Holy cow. Slow it down, Universe. (ETA: yet another divorce between two acquaintances of mine--found out tonight.)

Last week my parents and I had the What Are You Doing With Your Life talk. I told them I'm doing exactly what I want to do. My job is something that pays the bills--it's not a career. Improv is not a hobby, it's what I do. If that paid the bills, I'd do it full time. But it doesn't. I'm more creatively satisfied at this point in my life than I have ever been in the past. I feel that the work I've been doing lately has been good and I really love teaching. I'm happy with my apartment and dog. But, in a way, I feel like I've let them down. I know they want me to have a family and get married. They've never pressured me about it, and for that I'm thankful. But I've always known I'd never have the "traditional" life they thought I'd lead. I mean, even as a kid the way I was taught life goes is you go to college, get married, and have a family. That's not the path I followed. Almost none of my friends in the entertainment industry are married, while almost all of my friends outside of it are.

And now L & C aren't together anymore. I think they were sort of pinning most of their expectations on her--maybe not consciously. Now they have two single daughters who don't exactly have marriage at the front of their minds. I suppose I feel like I'm a bit of a disappointment. Which is ridiculous, yes. I know they're proud of me. But one thing my folks want in their lives is a grandchild. I never made the connection before that my choices can affect my parents in that way. Again, they've never voiced this to me before, but I could hear it when we spoke. When I told them that this is it: I'm doing exactly what I want to do in life. They were like, "Oh. OK. Well, good, as long as you're happy." I am. I *am* happy. I am doing *exactly* what I want to be doing with my life. I wish I could give them what they want, but I can't. Hopefully they can settle for pictures of the dog.


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