Monday, October 06, 2008

This post is about to be personal. I obviously don't have a problem posting it, as that's what I'm doing. But I thought that for those of you who read this regularly, I figured I'd give you a heads up. Feel free to skip.

At the beginning of March I decided to stop having sex. This is the longest I've gone since I started at 19. (heehee: I typed 10 b/c the 9 and the 0 are right next to each other) Now, for some people, this is nothing big. But for me, it kinda is. I'm an intensely sexual person. It's not that I've slept with a lot of people (still on two hands), but when I'm with someone, it's a big focus. That's been a reason why I haven't dated much out here. It's expected, and if I was in a relationship with someone, it would be very hard to say no. Plus, my high libido has been a problem in more than one relationship. Even for the one who could keep up...it wasn't a good thing. Also, for some reason my Number is important to me. I remember when I slept with #6 I was really sad I could no longer count on one hand. Also, I don't want to sleep with everyone I date. It sort of cheapens it.

I'm working on Month 7 and I'm starting to feel the pinch. I have incredibly vivid dreams. Most of you are aware of that. When they're nightmares, it's terrifying and can haunt me for literally days. But lately my dreams have turned sexual in nature. I've woken up in the middle of the night almost in sweats. It's getting distracting. Granted, there have only been two or three, but they've been very vivid. To add to it, the past couple weeks I've started taking better care of myself. I'm back on Sugar Busters (just basically cutting refined sugar out of my diet, which was about 90% of what I ate) and am working out regularly. I've started to notice a difference in my body. This is not helping. I mean, great, I'm looking better; I'm getting healthy. But that makes me want to be naked with another person even more.

So, I suppose what I'm asking here is for support. It's only going to get worse before it gets better, especially the more in shape I get. Also, I'm 30. That's Peak Time for a woman. But this is something I want to stick to. Please keep me in your prayers, chants, thoughts, whatever. I know this sounds ridiculous, but the odds are against me and I really wanna stick to my guns.


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