I think about death from time to time. Not in a bad way. It's just...well, sometimes when I'm driving my car on the highway, I wonder what it would be like to drive off the side of the road. Not because I'm depressed. I just wonder how I would feel if all of the sudden I was dead. And I came to some conclusions. It would be okay with me. Not that I want to die. I mean, I have a lot of stuff I'd like to do. Jump out of an airplane, star in an action movie, date a hobbit, put in a chest tube. And I would be sad that I would have missed all of those things. But I wouldn't be scared. See, the past few years have helped me realize something very important. Say what you think. I really love Tosha. She has become a very dear friend to me. And the other night, as I was going to bed and being thankful for all of the wonderful people in my life, I called her to tell her so. And of course there's zha. A man who just might always be a boy in my mind whom I love completely. And we both tell each other constantly how glad we are to be a part of each other's life. I'm so happy that no matter what has happened, and no matter what will be, that we will always remain friends. I know this in my soul. And my parents. Lately I've been able to spend more time with them. Which is good, because I'm really going to miss them when I move. I find myself paying people more compliments. Not out of politeness, but because I really mean it. And so, everyone in my life who is special to me, knows it. And I used to agonize over the letter I wrote to my first love, telling him how I felt, but also asking him not to respond. And to this day I'm glad I did it. Maybe it made him smile, knowing that somewhere far away a crazy girl thought he was cool. I get to be in two weddings this year. One, which was in April, was with the girl I used to watch Friends with every Thursday night as we ate a pint of ice cream (each). And I love her laughter. One, which will be in August, is with one of my oldest friends. She became a float in the 8th grade when she tripped on a chair. We played "tequila" on our saxophones wearing sombreros during the talent show. We roomed together at band camp and in college. We were bats and swans and exploding volcanoes. She will always make me laugh, and I miss her. As my friends and I move farther and farther apart on this continent, I still feel so close to everyone. Which gives me an incredible sense of peace. I love life. I don't want to die. But if, but some chance of nature I did, I have no regrets.