Wow.
I almost didn't post what I'm about to write. I don't know why. Wait, yes I do. I'm sick of people judging me. But this is my blog, and this is my life. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. If you don't like me because if it, well, tough.
My life just changed. Things have been happening the past few months to facilitate it, but tonight it blossomed. Around January I saw Passion of the Christ. And I remembered some of the stories and wanted to learn more. So I opened my Bible for the first time in years and started reading. A little each night. But then I stopped. Just sort of fell out of the habit. And, honestly, I felt Paul was judging me. He sort of teased me for reading it. I've also wanted to go to church, especially since I moved out here. The first play I did was at a church, but I never attened a service. It's not that Paul was opposed to it, he just didn't have any interest. So I gave up on that. Then, I believe it was the week before LA, David took me to his church. And I fell in love with it. I missed the following Sunday, and also when I went to Sedona, but I've attended regularly since that first time. The sermons have really spoken to my heart. Last week the sermon was about the parable of the shephard looking for his one lost sheep and brining it back. So I called all the people who have been instrumental in my renewal of faith lately and let them know how important they are to me. David, Candy, Faith, Michelle. People I can talk to and ask questions. I also started reading again. Because I wanted to know more and understand. I think I've been ashamed to talk about my faith before, because it's not something that I've ever done. And it's because of that old habit that I almost didn't post this. But something major happened tonight and I want to share.
Today was a very full day. Church, JesterZ, rehearsal for the dinner theater show I'm in. Candy was there. I met her in that first play I did two years ago, and we've remained close ever since. We don't see each other as often as we'd like, but now we live closer and we're both in this show. The other day David asked me if I was a Christian and if I'd accepted Christ into my heart. I didn't know how to answer that. I had years ago when I was a kid, but it has a different meaning now. I want to fully understand the question before I answer. What does it mean to be a Christian? What does it mean to accept Christ? After rehearsal tonight Candy asked me the same question, and we talked at length about everything that's been going on with me lately. I asked her how, and she said to proclaim it in front of another person. To not be ashamed or afraid. So I sort of wanted to do it there, but for whatever reason didn't. Then we said goodnight. I sat in my car for a sec to send a text message while she drove off. 15 minutes later she calls me and asks if she was being too pushy. We chat for a minute, then I look to my left and see a volvo two lanes over.
"Candy, look to your right."
We crack up. And she asks if I want to do it on the phone. Not really, plus right at that moment the reception starts to break up. We are at her exit from the highway; mine is just two miles up. I tell her to pull off into a parking lot. We get out of our cars and laugh and hug. She has tears in her eyes. We start to pray. And deep down I wonder if I'm really going to mean this. What does it really mean to me to accept Christ? And as I say it out loud, as I ask for forgivness, the tears come. And I realize I do mean it. I was so incredibly filled with emotion. And we stood there in the back parking lot of some crummy restaurant on Dunlap holding hands and praying and crying.
I have accepted Christ into my heart. I now understand. It's scary and exciting and filled with peace. My life has new meaning.
I almost didn't post what I'm about to write. I don't know why. Wait, yes I do. I'm sick of people judging me. But this is my blog, and this is my life. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. If you don't like me because if it, well, tough.
My life just changed. Things have been happening the past few months to facilitate it, but tonight it blossomed. Around January I saw Passion of the Christ. And I remembered some of the stories and wanted to learn more. So I opened my Bible for the first time in years and started reading. A little each night. But then I stopped. Just sort of fell out of the habit. And, honestly, I felt Paul was judging me. He sort of teased me for reading it. I've also wanted to go to church, especially since I moved out here. The first play I did was at a church, but I never attened a service. It's not that Paul was opposed to it, he just didn't have any interest. So I gave up on that. Then, I believe it was the week before LA, David took me to his church. And I fell in love with it. I missed the following Sunday, and also when I went to Sedona, but I've attended regularly since that first time. The sermons have really spoken to my heart. Last week the sermon was about the parable of the shephard looking for his one lost sheep and brining it back. So I called all the people who have been instrumental in my renewal of faith lately and let them know how important they are to me. David, Candy, Faith, Michelle. People I can talk to and ask questions. I also started reading again. Because I wanted to know more and understand. I think I've been ashamed to talk about my faith before, because it's not something that I've ever done. And it's because of that old habit that I almost didn't post this. But something major happened tonight and I want to share.
Today was a very full day. Church, JesterZ, rehearsal for the dinner theater show I'm in. Candy was there. I met her in that first play I did two years ago, and we've remained close ever since. We don't see each other as often as we'd like, but now we live closer and we're both in this show. The other day David asked me if I was a Christian and if I'd accepted Christ into my heart. I didn't know how to answer that. I had years ago when I was a kid, but it has a different meaning now. I want to fully understand the question before I answer. What does it mean to be a Christian? What does it mean to accept Christ? After rehearsal tonight Candy asked me the same question, and we talked at length about everything that's been going on with me lately. I asked her how, and she said to proclaim it in front of another person. To not be ashamed or afraid. So I sort of wanted to do it there, but for whatever reason didn't. Then we said goodnight. I sat in my car for a sec to send a text message while she drove off. 15 minutes later she calls me and asks if she was being too pushy. We chat for a minute, then I look to my left and see a volvo two lanes over.
"Candy, look to your right."
We crack up. And she asks if I want to do it on the phone. Not really, plus right at that moment the reception starts to break up. We are at her exit from the highway; mine is just two miles up. I tell her to pull off into a parking lot. We get out of our cars and laugh and hug. She has tears in her eyes. We start to pray. And deep down I wonder if I'm really going to mean this. What does it really mean to me to accept Christ? And as I say it out loud, as I ask for forgivness, the tears come. And I realize I do mean it. I was so incredibly filled with emotion. And we stood there in the back parking lot of some crummy restaurant on Dunlap holding hands and praying and crying.
I have accepted Christ into my heart. I now understand. It's scary and exciting and filled with peace. My life has new meaning.
posted by a c at
9:39 PM
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