Friday, November 21, 2008

It's all Misa's fault. She sent an email out about her upcoming shows and one of them is based off of a letter from an audience member. Which made me think of The Letter I wrote to John Marovich a million and five years ago. I think I have a copy of it somewhere. I would totally bring it. Nothing is better than a confession to your first love knowing that it won't go anywhere but writing it anyway hoping it'll help you get over him. It took 10 years for me to delete his number from my phone book. Not that I held a torch for that long (though, in all honesty, I probably held a torch for a year. I'm an angsty kinda chick). But one day I was deleting numbers and thought, man, I haven't talked to this dude in 5 years. I should probably get rid of this. So I did.

Tonight I had Latchkey Kids rehearsal, then a LK show followed immediately by a Semi-Awesomatics show. Then I stuck around for the fantastically horrible jam. I haven't been around Bad Improv in a while, and it was super fun! Haven't seen Baby Bird in almost 3 weeks, and we ended up hanging out in Burger King for 2 hours. Talking about relationships. It was really fun to reminisce about mine and hear all about his. I told the Beginning of Justin story, which is one of my all-time favorites. And my First Date with Paul, which is my favorite first date. And the 7 year Foxy Boy Situation.

It ended with BB bringing up Tiny Vessels by Deathcab for Cutie. And it made me think of the end of Foxy Boy. How we spent 3 straight days together before he left. How he thought I was asleep and told me he loved me, because he never intended for me to hear it. How the next morning I told him a part of me was in love with him. How we had to say goodbye fast and awkwardly b/c Stef was going to take my spot in front of their apartment. How I unexpectedly sobbed on the drive home.

I don't know why I think of him when I listen to that song. Partly because I got that album the week after he left and I listened to it non-stop. But mainly I think because I was making what we had more than what it was, so that last part speaks loudly to me. I wanted to be in love with him. But the truth was we would never work out, so I never really invested--it was mostly just physical. He wasn't someone I could see myself with long-term. Or even in a serious relationship. He wasn't a relationship kinda guy. (self-proclaimed) And, technically, we never even *had* a relationship. But he was one of my best friends out here. High atop a short list. And I really miss him. I could always count on him if I needed anything. Hell, when we first moved out here, he was the one who helped me find a cashier's check place b/c Faith was passed out at zha's house and I was pissed. He listened to me blather on about The One Who Got Away. We could call each other in the middle of the night, no matter what time zone we were in.

On my drive home from AZ, we chatted for awhile. I truly hope things are going okay for him. The reason he had to move home was a sucky one, and I didn't bring it up. He doesn't like to talk about stuff, but I felt like I should have at least asked. It was good to hear his voice and hear that he's doing well. He was going to a pitch meeting that night, which was exciting. I have no idea when I'll ever get back to OH, but I hope I have a chance to see him. I hope good things happen to him. He's one of my favorite people.

And I just really miss my friend.


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