endeavors

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Several friends constantly ask "What's different? How are you changed?" I never really knew how to answer that question, but I think I can now. I have a For Instance.

I turned my two weeks notice in last week. The 16th will be my last day, and I have nothing lined up. This week I will hopefully be interviewing, but I'm kind of flying blind here. However, I'm not worried. I feel like God has been saying for the past two years: Ashley, this isn't where I want you. But I've been ignoring it. Two situations arose where I almost quit but didn't. I didn't want to take the time looking for another job or learning something new. So I stayed. I settled. But then this third situation was so blatently screaming at me that I couldn't ignore it anymore. And I know I'll be provided for. I'm not worried.

Mrs. C asked me this morning what was new, and I told her. "But you're smiling." "Yeah, I guess it's a good thing, but I'm still really scared." "Well, maybe you can find something in the arts." "Actually, I just got an email that a position at a theater is open, and I'm going to apply for it." Plus people at work are helping and giving me contact information for possible leads. Tomorrow I'm getting everything together so I can send my resume out Tuesday and start interviewing as soon as possible.

So I guess I am comforted in the fact that I know I'm being looked out for. I'm going through a lot right now in my life, and if it wasn't for my faith, I would be a wreck. I've changed because I trust. I'm not trying to do everything on my own, and be my sole/soul supporter. I have someone else to lean on, who can provide me with everything I need. I never listened to that voice before. I never allowed myself that type of freedom. And it really is freeing. I wish I could share this feeling in my heart with everyone. I am so full of love and hope and life that I could burst.

That's how I'm different. That's how I've changed.

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