I would not be so freaked out if A) Paul's best friend from high school's dad hadn't of died last week, or B) Some random famous woman who went in for a face lift hadn't of died yesterday. Something is wrong with my dad. Last week he got a reminder from his doctor that he's long overdue for a physical. So he went in for one. And the doctor noticed a murmur that wasn't there last time. Tuesday he went in for an ultrasound. A technician did it and couldn't tell them anything. He said the doctor would call if he found something, but plan to come in for a check up in February. Then my folks went to Columbus to take my sister out for her birthday. When they got home there was a message on the machine telling him to call first thing in the morning to make an appointment for Friday. He went in today and they did more tests. He has to have heart surgery. There's this syndrome that Pres. Lincoln might have had--it affects people with long limbs. My dad is 6'6". So there's really no way he could have avoided this. Two valves are falling apart. If he doesn't get them replaced immediately--no, not fixed, replaced--he will die. He goes in Monday for some kind of catheter up his leg vein so they can see if there's any blockage in his heart. They don't want to go in for one type of surgery and find out that he also needs a bypass. It's also to see how much his aorta is damaged. So this is pretty serious. He's not in the hospital right now only because he doesn't have shortness of breath. The doc said that between now and Monday if he notices any change whatsoever to call 911 so he doesn't have a stroke. They're sort of in shock right now. My sister's pretty upset. I'm numb. It's my biggest fear to lose my parents. I've lost a lot of people in recent years that I've been close to, and I'm sort of done with it. No more death. Steph's dad, Mem's dad, Rebecca, Matt, Johnny's mom--just to name a few. This is the one time I wish I was home. So I could be there to help out. They're moving in to another house, for cryin' out loud.

Trying to think positive. Well, it will take a couple of months to recover, and my dad won't be allowed to go up and down stairs. The house they're buying is a ranch. My sister isn't taking classes this quarter, so she can get home if needed. My mom isn't working, so she can help take care of him. So the timing is good, at least. But this is serious. He's in trouble.

And I miss him.

And I'm scared.